tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-409525788289550252024-03-13T15:22:09.755-06:00Lauren Larsen's Love, Light & LaughterMusings by she who is easily amused.Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.comBlogger68125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-27216348475881308072018-05-08T15:36:00.000-06:002018-05-08T20:25:48.751-06:00Good Days and Bad Days<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The last seven years, I've been on a fascinating – and, at times, emotionally and physically painful – journey of losing mobility and dealing with chronic pain. Since beginning my process of "becoming bionic" in 2017 (three joint replacements down, two to go), my body often feels whacked from surgeries and meds and going under anesthesia five times within the last year alone. Sometimes, it's difficult to find my true self in the occasionally tangled up energetic mess that is my body-mind-soul connection. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Suffice it to say, I have my Good Days and my Bad Days. Fortunately the ratio seems to be trending at 10:1, Good to Bad. So hey – no complaints. Unless, of course, it happens to be a Bad Day. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Today was a Bad Day. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I was unable to fall asleep last night until, well, 7:30 this morning. Got a whopping three hours, which meant my emotional balance, and thus my outlook on life in general, was in the shitter. Jeff and Clare were both out, and as I lay on the couch crying for no discernible reason (see: Bad Days, above), I contemplated calling my mother and asking her to pick up a pizza for me so I could eat my emotions – despite the fact that I had recently asked her to ignore me if I requested anymore pizzas. (During these </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">past five weeks of non-weight-bearing recovery from my first ankle replacement, Mom has been my PT Appointment Chauffeur, Grocery Shopper, and yes, Pizza Retriever.)</span><br />
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-G0OXqG3zr-g/WvH_kfiKc7I/AAAAAAAAA1U/2bECma1OC5ouYB_k8G6uooEOHB4iRLK6QCPcBGAYYCw/s1600/Michelle%2BSoup.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="200" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-G0OXqG3zr-g/WvH_kfiKc7I/AAAAAAAAA1U/2bECma1OC5ouYB_k8G6uooEOHB4iRLK6QCPcBGAYYCw/s200/Michelle%2BSoup.JPG" width="150" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Just as I was about to dial Mom's number, the front door opened and a friend I don't get to spend much time with strolled in unannounced carrying a quart of healthy homemade soup. She breezed into my kitchen as if it were her own and put the soup on the stovetop before riffling through my cupboards and drawers to find a bowl, spoon and napkin. She then delivered a hot nutritious meal to me on the couch. A completely unscheduled, yet perfectly timed, visit. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">She wasn't able to stay long, maybe a half hour max. But in that brief period of time she managed to completely shift the trajectory of my day with her positive energy, some meaningful conversation about learning to live with uncertainty, and yes, her soup. I felt as if I'd been graced with a visit from the Mary Poppins of food for the soul. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Today, as it turns out, was a Good Day. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Thanks, Michele.</span><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Michele, aka The Mary Poppins of Food for the Soul</td></tr>
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Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-59285123848431363162017-10-17T00:55:00.002-06:002017-10-17T16:41:27.051-06:00Me Too<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Hard to believe, I know, but at 13 years old I was a fairly
shy kid. I had my pals with whom I’d let loose, but it wasn’t uncommon to
find me sitting alone at the kitchen counter or in my bedroom doing artwork. Charcoals were my medium, and I loved creating portraits of
others from photographs. </div>
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My bedroom was best for privacy, but on Saturday
nights I preferred the kitchen because that’s where our one small black and
white television was stationed. Art-making and Carol Burnett went well
together, I'd found, so if it was a Saturday night and I had the house to myself,
that’s where you’d find me. I adored Carol Burnett. Funny and kind-hearted, she was my celebrity idol back then, followed closely by Cher. </div>
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On one such particular evening I was home alone, my siblings each out and about somewhere, as was Mom. Without warning, I heard
the clomping of footsteps coming through our rickety back porch and then the
backdoor swung open and my older brother and his gaggle of pals tumbled in. Too late to grab my art supplies and dash upstairs to my bedroom, I sat staring at the television, feigning nonchalance. (Did I mention I was shy?)</div>
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It seemed obvious that the boys' evening thus far had involved alcohol. They shuffled past me where I sat, all wearing goofy smiles (on second thought, it might've been weed), muttering "Hey, Little Wilt" as they passed. </div>
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(Yep, Little Wilt, later amended to just Wilt, was my nickname because even back then it appeared I might one day rival Wilt Chamberlain in height. Unfortunately, when the moniker was spontaneously bestowed upon me by the same boys filing through the kitchen that night, I had no idea who Wilt Chamberlain was. I spent days moping because, after looking up "wilt" in the dictionary, I assumed my brother and his friends saw me as a droopy, well, <i>wilted</i> girl.)</div>
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The five to seven boys, all 16 at the time, moved into the dining room, where the stereo was immediately turned on, Bruce Springsteen's <i>Born to Run</i> album placed on the turntable. After all, this was Jersey in the '70s. Need I say more? <o:p></o:p></div>
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No regard was given to the fact that I was watching television a mere twelve feet from the stereo, but as one of four children growing up in a single-parent household, I was used to this. With Mom often away at work or night school, we Wards were among the original latchkey kids, left to figure out social graces – or the lack thereof – on our own. If Mom wasn't home, <i>might</i> made <i>right</i> in our world, whether it regarded who got the last soda in the fridge or who had run of the tiny first floor of our home. </div>
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In addition to being shy, I was also stubborn – too stubborn to simply stand up, collect my belongings and move upstairs. Instead, I sat in the kitchen pretending I was okay with the shift in my surroundings. I wasn't. Yet I stayed in place, staring at a television I could no longer hear. </div>
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The boys mostly kept to the living room and dining room, except to return to the kitchen for more cold beer, which one of them had stocked the refrigerator with upon their arrival. About fifteen, twenty minutes in, the son of one of my former Girl Scout troop leaders came into the kitchen and plopped down on the stool next to mine. He was clearly drunk or high, maybe both.</div>
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"Whatcha doing, Little Wilt?" he asked, his face too far in my personal space for comfort. </div>
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"Nothing," I replied. Again, that feigned nonchalance.</div>
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Suddenly, and with zero provocation, he grabbed my crotch, hard. As if making a surprising discovery, he exclaimed, "You have a pussy!" </div>
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I smacked his arm away, my face burning, my eyes drilling into the television as if my life depended on it, willing this jerk to go the hell away with every ounce of my being. Just then, another of my brother's friends, Mike, strolled into the kitchen. </div>
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The first boy – let's call him The Pussy-Grabber because hey, if the shoe fits – turned to Mike and said, "Hey, Mike. Look what I just did. I grabbed her pussy!" And then he grabbed me again. And again I smacked him away, this time managing to spit, "Dick!" under my breath at him as I did. </div>
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"You shouldn't do that," Mike admonished his friend. And with that, the moment passed. I gathered up my art supplies from the kitchen counter and stormed upstairs, angry, embarrassed, and ashamed. <i>Ashamed! </i></div>
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Too embarrassed and ashamed, in fact, to tell anyone – not my brother, not my mother, no one. Except my diary. And rereading that particular entry decades later, I can still feel the palpable anger and disgust, can still recall that sense of powerlessness all over again. </div>
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What the hell was that kid thinking? Where did he get the idea that it was okay to grab a girl's genitals against her will? Certainly not from his mother, whom I, in hindsight, consider one of my girlhood mentors. This is one of those uncomfortable childhood memories that, even with the passing of 42 years, I can't – and won't – turn into a quick joke to be laughed off in hindsight. Because no girl, no woman, no <i>person</i>, should ever have to slap away an uninvited groping hand and swallow her shame like vinegar. </div>
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I look back on my 13-year-old self and want to give that girl a hug, to tell her that she did nothing – <i>NOTHING!</i> – to warrant an older boy, or anyone for that matter, groping her crotch. And now, with the "Me Too" hashtag going viral on social media to bring attention to the sexual assault, abuse and harassment epidemic so ingrained in our culture, it's long past time to say <i>enough is enough</i>. It's long past time to speak up, to share our stories, to teach our daughters – and sons – that they don't have to endure or stay silent about this bullshit. To teach our sons – and daughters – that it is not okay to sexually assault, abuse or harass others.</div>
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I wish I could say that was the only Me Too experience I endured, but it was only the <i>first</i>. The next would occur when I was 18 at the hands of my boss, a man 20+ years my senior and, obviously, in the position of power within our working relationship. To say that this experience disgusts me even more than my very first Me Too would be a gross understatement. And I will write about that one too when I am ready. Because, like the young girl I was at 13, the young woman I was at 18 will not be silenced anymore either. </div>
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#MeToo indeed. </div>
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Postscript: Two things. First, as I edited this story for publication on my blog, I wondered if I should remove the specific detail that might reveal my perpetrator's identity to those friends and acquaintances who were around in my early years (namely, his mother's role as one of my Girl Scout troop leaders), worried that perhaps it would embarrass him if this story traveled across the internet and made its way to his laptop. Because, after all, he was young. And drunk. And let's throw in stupid for good measure. But you know what? No. Not my problem. If you wish not to be embarrassed, ashamed or – better yet – appalled in the future by your behavior in the present then perhaps you should think twice before acting. #neverpissoffafuturewriter</div>
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And second, I wondered if, despite the shame he caused my young self, I would forgive him if he picked up the phone or sent me an email to apologize. From having looked at his Facebook page, I see that he has a daughter. Would he forgive an older boy who, hypothetically, groped her against her will at age 13? That one I can't answer. I can only answer for myself. And that answer is yes. Because, after all, he was young. And drunk. And stupid. And we all make mistakes. And I recognize that his offense was not as "unforgivable" as, say, rape.<br />
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But believe me when I say, forgiveness does not equate with tolerance or approval. And even with forgiveness, there must still be accountability, if simply to say, "I'm sorry. I acknowledge how wrong my actions were. Please accept my sincere apology." </div>
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Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-43334905308279084322017-09-20T03:46:00.001-06:002017-09-20T12:38:20.248-06:00Liz Gave Me the Boot<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Brunch with Fake Aunt Liz</td></tr>
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When my daughter and I arrived in Los Angeles last Saturday afternoon for college interviews, we drove straight to her Fake Aunt Liz's home in Laguna Beach. (Well, we might've made one quick pitstop at Del Taco so Clare could experience one of her mother's fast food cravings from my LA days.)<br />
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The thing about Liz is this: as long as we've been friends (24 years) she's always wanted what she called her "Granny Cottage" – a small, efficient and impeccably furnished dwelling, the complete opposite of her former Berkeley mansion that was something straight out of Architectural Digest.<br />
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Her Laguna Beach home is just that: a tiny two-bedroom cottage with an even tinier back patio. Yet the feeling in her home is what I'd call <i>zen elegance</i>. She really has a knack for turning any ordinary house into a stylish home. (I've been the recipient of her "Drunk Shui" talents in several dwellings. A few glasses of a dry Provencal rose, and Liz starts rearranging your furniture, books and knick-knacks, ordering you onto Craigslist to find this or that. Once, she even Drunk Shui-ed our entire living room a week after foot surgery.)<br />
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To maintain her Granny Cottage lifestyle, Liz lives like the minimalist she is. If something doesn't get worn in, say, a couple months, she passes it along to someone else. If she doesn't like something she bought, even if it's only a few days old, it too shall be passed along. So when Clare and I arrived and Liz said, "I was cleaning out my closets yesterday," I laughed. Her closets are <i>already</i> as neat and tidy as the non-closet areas of her home. What the hell else was left to clean out?!<br />
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"I was cleaning out my closets yesterday and found the boot from my bunion surgeries two years ago." Then she ducked into the guest bedroom and emerged with said boot in hand. "Would this be helpful to you at all?"<br />
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I've been the recipient of some of Liz's cast-offs in the past – blouses, yoga pants, etc. – but she's never offered me an orthopedic boot before. Then again, Liz has watched me these past six months as I underwent first an ankle surgery followed by a total left knee replacement followed by a total right knee replacement. She also knows my ankles are next in line for joint replacements, which cannot commence until I've recovered and strengthened myself adequately following the back-to-back knee replacements. And frankly, I'm thrilled my surgeon said as much because the thought of going under the knife one more time this year was a bit daunting.<br />
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As much as I'm happy to wait until January to begin the ankle replacement surgeries, I've been limping around in pain due to the lack of cartilage in both ankles. The left one, in particular, is remarkably messed up despite already having had four loose bone bits removed during March's surgery. I've tried braces and shoe inserts and even new orthopedic shoes that are so ugly you just <i>know</i> they have to be good for you, right?<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I got the boot</td></tr>
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None of them alleviated the severe pain in my left ankle.<br />
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"Let's give it a try," I said, hiking my pant legs up and tearing at the velcro straps of my ineffectual ankle braces.<br />
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With my crappier ankle completely immobilized by the boot, I stood, my cane in hand. Tentatively, I walked across the room. Then I walked back, this time without the cane. I noticed I was standing straighter, even able to roll through my booted foot as I stepped – a feat that, heretofore, would've brought on stabbing pain and more than a few f-bombs.<br />
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I wore Liz's hand-me-down boot the rest of that visit and by the end of four days was thrilled with my ability to walk – <i>almost</i> like a normal person. I brought it back to Boulder with me and have been wearing it ever since. And guess what? Now I can walk anywhere, more or less, without my cane. Just me, my boot and one heavily cushioned Hoka sneaker.<br />
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A few days ago I noticed something fairly significant. For the first time in years, I was not in pain while moving through my day. Sure, my new knees still feel alien and stiff and tend to ache by bedtime. But the pain from joints so worn down there was actually a hole in one of my knee bones where there isn't supposed to be a hole? Gone. The pain in my Really Bad Ankle (as opposed to my Moderately Bad Ankle)? Gone. At least while wearing my new favorite boot. And that's good enough for me.<br />
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You see, in a word, pain <i>sucks.</i> It makes frustrated sourpusses of the most optimistic among us. It often prevents us from working or traveling or even focusing on anything other than, well, pain. And when that pain comes in the middle of the night, when it wakes us from sleep, it tends to bring dark thoughts: that the pain will never end, that recovery is impossible so what's the point in even trying.<br />
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Twice since getting my new knees, I attempted to do the grocery shopping only to abandon ship partway through due to ankle pain. Yet three days ago I went to Whole Foods – the big one – with my new boot and no cane, and made it all the way through the task, including carrying the grocery bags inside once home.<br />
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I almost cried with relief over this palpable sign of my life returning to me after more than five years of being sidelined: leaving my full-time work, minimal travel, experimentation with countless approaches to healing that didn't heal me, withdrawing from the world, and rarely making plans for fear I'd have to cancel anyway because it might turn out to be a Bad Day thanks to autoimmunity or osteoarthritis or both. In other words, five years of working really hard to maintain a positive outlook when inside I felt anything but.<br />
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I can't believe I'm actually writing a story about a freaking orthopedic boot. But truly – this silly, ugly, clunky boot feels like a gift from the gods (assuming the gods are all named Liz). It feels like a preview of better – <i>pain-free! – </i>times to come.<br />
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It feels like hope.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Liz and Me. Duh</td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Download a PDF of the first 4 chapters of Lauren's memoir,</span></b><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> Zuzu's Petals: A True Story of Second Chances</span></b></i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">, free. Click </span></b><a href="http://www.laurenwardlarsen.com/"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">here</span></b></a><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> and go to the link below the "Buy the Book" button. </span></b><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Zuzu's Petals </span></b></i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">is also available on Kindle and Nook. Hardcover signed and inscribed copies are available at </span></b><a href="http://www.laurenwardlarsen.com/"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">www.laurenwardlarsen.com</span></b></a><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">. Happy reading!</span></b></span></span></div>
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Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-7783148403025678992017-09-01T20:24:00.000-06:002017-09-20T10:48:24.865-06:00"I REJECT THAT!"<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">I know how lucky I am to
have survived a near-fatal pregnancy 17 years ago. I know that most women who go
as far over the edge as I did with eclampsia-turned-HELLP-Syndrome don’t make
it out of the ICU alive. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The ICU Days: Not my best look.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "arial";">Six weeks and 203 pints of
blood after my ordeal began back in 2000, I was discharged from the hospital – a "miracle" by some standards.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial";">But there was a long-term price to pay for beating the medical odds and that
bill came due about seven years ago. During all the internal hemorrhaging a decade
earlier, a necrotic process had taken root in my major joints – ankles, knees,
hips and shoulders – resulting in difficulty walking, chronic pain and several
labrum and meniscus surgeries. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">I was also diagnosed with an
autoimmune illness similar to Rheumatoid Arthritis and began giving myself weekly
injections of low-dose chemotherapy to keep my inflammation levels under
control. I ate my vegetables, drank my kale juice, and limited my pizza intake.
(I’ve had a lifelong love affair with dough, tomato sauce and mozzarella.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">But I was in denial – deep, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">deep</i> denial – about the inevitable
deterioration of my major joints when it was determined that pretty much all of
the cartilage was gone from my shoulders…and then ankles…and then knees (the
hips are still working hard to hold their own). I made it bone-on-bone for
several more years. I swam. I did a gentle-but-restorative form of yoga known
as Kaiut. (Most of the positions are done sitting or lying on the floor, so
Kaiut is perfect for me.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">I assured myself that my
Kaiut yoga practice would save me from having to undergo the 5-8 joint replacements
that my orthopedic surgeon warned me I’d eventually need. He said I’d know when it was time. I bet him ten bucks that I’d avoid all replacements through yoga. He
said he hoped I was right. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">Turns out I was wrong. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">George (L) and Mary (R)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "arial";">In January of this year, I
was finally able to admit that I did, indeed, need to begin the process of
replacing my major joints one by one or else face the rest of my life in pain
and, most likely, in a wheelchair. I began with the knees, six weeks apart,
this past spring. It was as (temporarily) hellish as I had been warned. But I am convinced
that all that Kaiut yoga – while it didn’t allow me to avoid joint replacements – did,
in hindsight, help me prepare for them. And that was good enough for me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">Five weeks after my second
total knee replacement, I received a text from Jeff, the owner of my favorite yoga
studio, who is also my favorite Kaiut instructor. He offered to give me a free
private lesson if my husband could get me there. (I was still unable to bend my
newest knee enough to drive myself.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">We arrived three days later
for that session. To say it was amazing would be an understatement. Jeff walked me through a series of poses, all of them lying on the floor with my feet on the wall. I was shocked at how much I could do even with the limitations of surgery. </span><span style="font-family: "arial";">Two days later, I was back in class on a regular basis. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"><br /></span>
<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Returning to Kaiut</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3xNkjV0tC-c/WaYWdGPkGOI/AAAAAAAAAxk/iypyLvXy4zEEn3Cvqy4bSASkrAMz5PGDgCLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_1278.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1600" data-original-width="1200" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3xNkjV0tC-c/WaYWdGPkGOI/AAAAAAAAAxk/iypyLvXy4zEEn3Cvqy4bSASkrAMz5PGDgCLcBGAs/s320/IMG_1278.JPG" width="240" /></a><span style="font-family: "arial";">The sequence of Kaiut poses changes every two days, so I am never quite sure
what each class will entail, let alone how much of it I’ll be able to do. But I
love being there anyway if only to soak up all the good yoga vibes.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">To get on the floor at the
beginning of each class, I stack four bolsters against the back wall, sit on
them and then slide the rest of the way down. At the end of class, Jeff and
someone else hoist me up to standing by my elbows (my shoulders being too
deteriorated to be pulled forward by my hands). If there’s a standing pose or a
pose done on all fours, I do Legs Up the Wall instead.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">Today, sandwiched between my
husband and a pal, I heard Jeff give the cue to get on all fours. As I prepared
to put my legs up the wall, I began to wonder if I was deluding myself in
thinking that I could actually regain full mobility, imagined that I might be headed
for a wheelchair regardless of how many joint replacements I get. Almost
immediately I heard a very loud, very insistent voice in my head yell, “I
REJECT THAT!” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial";">And then I got mad. Mad at
my medical circumstances, but madder at my lapse in optimism. And that was the moment I
decided to try getting on all fours.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">I rolled sideways from the
bolster I was sitting on to another bolster as padding for my knees. I
wound up diagonally across my mat, my hands on my husband’s mat and my feet on
my friend’s mat. The thought of shifting my body and bolster so I was facing
forward seemed too difficult, so I stayed put. They didn’t care. They could tell
this was something big for me – my first attempt at putting weight on my
new knees, now 10 and 16 weeks old. Trembling, I pulled another bolster under my arms and
leaned forward, breathing heavily, straining to hold the position, catawampus though
it was. My heart raced as if I were sprinting, but I was
determined to hold my amended position as long as the others in class were sitting back
on their heels. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">As soon as Jeff said, “Now
come out of the position and stand,” I flopped onto my back as if I’d just
finished a marathon, ready to give myself a nice long Legs Up the Wall break.
But no sooner did my ass hit the floor than Jeff was over at my side saying, “Nope,
I want you standing too, Lauren. You can do this.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial";">WTF?! <o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">My first three weeks back at yoga class, Jeff had let me do pretty much whatever I wanted, taking breaks as
needed and ignoring the poses I couldn’t yet do. </span><span style="font-family: "arial";">Standing poses – I assumed
Jeff understood – were off limits given my crappy ankles, but this morning, he
decided otherwise. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial";">I’ve been working with Jeff for just over two years now, so
he knows my mobility issues well. He asked my husband to help hoist me to
standing and had me – and everyone else in class – move right into a pose facing
the wall. That got me breathing even harder, my body having atrophied over the
previous three months of recovery and heavy pain medications. At times, I
couldn’t even keep my hands on the wall, letting them fall at my side while I
leaned against the wall with my head (definitely </span><i style="font-family: arial;">not</i><span style="font-family: "arial";"> part of the pose). When we were finally instructed to release the pose, I was exhausted, but in the
best of ways.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">I hadn’t strained like that
in my 2+ years of having a consistent Kaiut yoga practice, and I have to say <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">IT FELT AWESOME!</i> Not because I had
strained, but because I had overcome my own mental block. That one yoga class
this morning was more powerful than any of the physical therapy sessions I’ve
had to date. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">While yoga’s goal is
typically inner peace, sometimes the goal should be discovering what you’re
capable of by being challenged to go beyond your self-created limitations. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">Namaste, Jeff. <i>Namaste!</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XbIzR018-yw/WaoKHi9563I/AAAAAAAAAyk/V43BHBJ5BGEM-1ShDK4BTE7bDukbs-ucgCLcBGAs/s1600/Jeff%2BBailey.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="789" data-original-width="940" height="536" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XbIzR018-yw/WaoKHi9563I/AAAAAAAAAyk/V43BHBJ5BGEM-1ShDK4BTE7bDukbs-ucgCLcBGAs/s640/Jeff%2BBailey.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">For any local Boulder folks interested in trying Kaiut yoga, Yoga Loft offers a $30 for 30 days of unlimited classes. <br />
First-timers only. www.yogaloftboulder.com </td></tr>
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<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * </span></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Download a PDF of the first 4 chapters of Lauren's memoir,</span></b><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> Zuzu's Petals: A True Story of Second Chances</span></b></i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">, free. Click </span></b><a href="http://www.laurenwardlarsen.com/"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">here</span></b></a><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> and go to the link below the "Buy the Book" button. </span></b><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Zuzu's Petals </span></b></i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">is also available on Kindle and Nook. Hardcover signed and inscribed copies are available at </span></b><a href="http://www.laurenwardlarsen.com/"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">www.laurenwardlarsen.com</span></b></a><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">. Happy reading!</span></b></span></span></div>
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Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-38847233764213827872017-04-21T23:39:00.001-06:002017-04-22T17:39:38.859-06:00Everyone Needs a Lift Sometimes<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Today I bought a lift chair. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I’ve been preparing
for my upcoming joint replacement surgeries: one shoulder, two knees and, most likely,
a new ankle—all before the year’s end. Jeff and I rearranged the TV room,
removing a chair and an end table in order to fit my new used stationary bike
(for recovery) and my new used lift chair (for recovery from doing the
stationary bike). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I had a lift chair once before, following six weeks in the
intensive care unit after Clare’s dramatic and near-fatal birth. It was
probably the ugliest chair I’d ever had in my possession, boasting an outdated maroon
print the likes of which I’d never choose for normal furniture. But damn, I
loved that chair. After awaking from a 14-to-16-hour sleep, I would, with Jeff's help, maneuver
from the hospital bed in our bedroom to the living room, where I would park my
broken ass in that blessed lift chair for a couple hours until I was exhausted
and ready for more sleep. But the funny thing was, no matter how high the lift
chair would raise me toward being upright, I still needed Jeff to boost me those
last five inches to standing. When we finally got rid of that chair, I felt I
had accomplished a feat greater than any of the marathons I’d run in the past.
I had graduated from needing a lift, so to speak, fully capable of standing by
myself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My new lift chair is, thankfully, not as ugly as the first
one. And, being used, I found it on Craigslist for a mere $50. Which is about 1/10<sup>th</sup>
of what I would’ve spent if I’d bought it new. My husband and I were set to
pick it up yesterday, but the seller got busy with something else and said he
had to cancel. Then my husband left town for a weeklong business trip early
this morning, so the seller offered to deliver the chair to my home all the way
from its current location 45 minutes away. At first, I was thrilled because
these things are heavy as hell and I’m not exactly in lift-chair-lifting shape
(see: joint replacements, above), and I really, REALLY wanted to get my in-home
recovery area set up well in advance of my first joint replacement surgery on May
9<sup>th</sup>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I thought about the seller’s offer to bring the chair right
to my home. And then I thought about a new client of mine, a real go-getter of
a woman whose only hint of past trauma is the substantial scar peeking out from
her neckline. Twenty-four years ago, my client tried selling her car on
Craigslist and wound up with a serial killer—a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">literal</i> serial killer—coming to her home, purportedly to check out
the car. At night. In the rain. My client sustained a broken neck and multiple
stab wounds before a neighbor heard her screaming and called 911. (My client’s
attacker was later caught and charged with the deaths of several other young
women and is now serving life in prison.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So let’s just say I was a bit nervous about having a
stranger deliver a used chair to my home. I tried reading into the seller’s
text messages. His two young daughters were mentioned. His mother was mentioned.
His work and class schedules were mentioned. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All details that indicated he wasn’t a serial
killer. Then again, anyone can lie in a text, right? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But I really wanted that chair, wanted to cross one more item
off my pre-surgery to-do list. So I said I’d be delighted to have him deliver it. And then
I made sure someone was here with me. And I kept RuPaul home from doggie daycare—not
that poodles are known for their prowess as bodyguards, but I figured it
couldn’t hurt to have a (not so) menacing dog in my presence.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The seller—Jay—arrived this afternoon with the lift chair in
the back of his run-down pickup truck. He walked with a limp, but was strong
enough to handle the chair with the help of a neighbor of mine. And then, as I
am wont to do, I started asking him questions about his need for the chair. What
can I say? I believe everyone has a story and I was curious about his. In other
words, I’m nosey. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">At 30 years old, Jay began experiencing searing pain in one
of his hips. He reported the pain to a doctor, who recommended an MRI. But Jay
had no health insurance and couldn’t afford the MRI, so his doctor loaded him
up with opioid prescriptions and sent him on his way. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">More of Jay’s joints began to deteriorate and his level of pain
continued to increase, as did his dependency on the pain medications. When he
realized he had a problem with addiction, he worked hard to get off the meds
before turning to alcohol for escape. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Alcohol ruined my life,” he said, humbly. No whining, just
a deep sadness within his voice. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“When Obamacare came along, I was finally able to get the surgeries
I needed,” Jay said. To date, he has had total joint replacements in both
shoulders, both knees and both hips. He still has deep pain in his hips, and his
ankles are shot too. I asked if ankle replacements were coming. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“No,” he said, somewhat resigned. “The next stop for me is a
wheelchair.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Jay is only 34 years old. My heart broke when he told me
this. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I paid Jay twice the price he was asking for the chair,
thanking him profusely for delivering it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rDcrRXTzXZM/WPrqTfzyE6I/AAAAAAAAAwM/X54z5IcqRQQz-VmJUm3QCnLlEmAEYSjSQCLcB/s1600/lift%2Bchair.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-rDcrRXTzXZM/WPrqTfzyE6I/AAAAAAAAAwM/X54z5IcqRQQz-VmJUm3QCnLlEmAEYSjSQCLcB/s320/lift%2Bchair.JPG" width="240" /></span></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And now, I’m sitting in Jay’s chair—my new used lift chair—with
a greater appreciation for the hardships that so many people face, day in, day
out, often with no sign of relief on the horizon. Ordinary people with
extraordinary challenges. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Despite the surgery-palooza that I'm in the midst of (1 down, 4 to go), I'm feeling pretty darn grateful about my own situation, about the people in my life who have offered support as I continue my own journey back to mobility and a less painful daily existence. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 12.0pt;">And I’m hopeful that one day I can offer assistance to
people like Jay, people who are struggling with their own medical burdens. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "calibri"; font-size: 12.0pt;">Because
everyone needs a lift sometimes.</span></span><!--EndFragment-->
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Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-5826670450769652672017-04-09T18:57:00.000-06:002017-04-09T22:51:27.909-06:00I've Been Zeked!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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In the fifth grade, a new girl moved to my hometown of Wenonah, New Jersey. She was tall, like me. She was goofy, like me. She had a pool, unlike me. We were instant BFFs.</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Throughout middle school and high school, Mischelle—whose name was misspelled her entire life until she decided to go by “Shelly,”—and I became fairly inseparable. Except, like, that time I told her I’d be over in ten minutes to pick her up for the mall and I completely spaced and went without her. (My mother ended up driving her there when she learned from Shelly that I’d forgotten her.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">After graduating from my MBA program back in (cough, cough, mumble, mumble), I decided to spend the summer before my job started traveling the country to visit friends. I met up with Shelly and her fiancé, Matt, at her parents’ home in Wenonah. After a few days there, we caravanned in two cars to Shelly and Matt’s apartment in Durham, North Carolina. At one point during the drive, Shelly and Matt pulled off the road even though we’d just had a rest stop. I pulled off too and asked them what was up. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“Weird noise in the back of the car,” Shelly said. “I’m guessing Dad is behind this.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ByZttrn4zFA/WOl9CX38S4I/AAAAAAAAAu0/xI7kDbqTRKwGAsFYnNMn_45tPPvVc28fQCPcB/s1600/Zeke%2Bhead%2Bclose%2Bup%2Bcropped.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ByZttrn4zFA/WOl9CX38S4I/AAAAAAAAAu0/xI7kDbqTRKwGAsFYnNMn_45tPPvVc28fQCPcB/s320/Zeke%2Bhead%2Bclose%2Bup%2Bcropped.jpg" width="180" /></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sure enough, when we opened their hatchback and unzipped one of their larger suitcases, there was a wind-up alarm clock nestled into their dirty clothes, still making a muffled clanging noise. And next to the clock was this little gem—the head of Zeke, a homemade ragdoll Shelly’s grandmother had sewn back when Shelly was still Mischelle. Time had not been kind to Zeke and he was missing his felt hat, one eye and entire body. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“What the hell?” I said, as Shelly and Matt laughed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">“We’ve been Zeked!” Shelly exclaimed. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">She then gave me the background on this odd little doll head, telling me how Zeke had lost bits of himself over the years until one day he was nothing more than a bald one-eyed head. As kids, Shelly or one of her two sisters would often discover Zeke’s head tucked into their coat pockets—a favorite prank of their parents, who hoped to give their daughters a bit of levity on their walk to school.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I spent a week or so with Shelly and Matt in North Carolina, doing </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">long training runs for my first marathon and lounging by the apartment complex’s pool all day while they were at work. We got into the routine of “Zeking” each other. I floated Zeke on a Tupperware lid in their toilet and shut the lid. The next morning, I awoke after they were already gone, but I found Zeke in the toe of one of my running shoes. Shortly after we went to bed one evening, I heard laughter from their bedroom. Clearly, they had just discovered Zeke tacked to the ceiling over their bed.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">When I left Shelly and Matt’s to drive to New York for my new job, I stole Zeke. (Wouldn’t you?) When Shelly called me a few days later to accuse me of theft, I had my story ready. I told her I had put Zeke in an empty bag of Goldfish crackers on top of the refrigerator as my farewell Zeking. Neither could find the bag (because I’d already thrown it out), so they assumed they’d accidentally tossed it. Sadly, Zeke was gone for good. S</span><span style="font-family: inherit;">o they thought. </span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-a79Th7DBIp4/WOl7nKw1m6I/AAAAAAAAAuk/UjpdYy4-XMUYnmRfpVlNWP25kcOlJ2LrgCPcB/s1600/IMG_0363.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-a79Th7DBIp4/WOl7nKw1m6I/AAAAAAAAAuk/UjpdYy4-XMUYnmRfpVlNWP25kcOlJ2LrgCPcB/s320/IMG_0363.jpg" width="320" /></a><o:p> </o:p></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Shelly and Matt’s wedding was scheduled for several months later. In speaking about the details with her a few weeks before the big event, she mentioned that they would be honeymooning in Aruba, but given the mischievous tendencies of Matt’s friends, they weren’t telling anyone where they would be staying. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I expressed concern about no one knowing their whereabouts and promised to keep it a secret if she told me, that I’d feel better knowing that at least one of us knew where to find them in the unlikely event of an emergency. Shelly acquiesced and gave me the name of the resort. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The day Shelly and Matt left for Aruba, I was giddy with joy over the devious plan I had hatched with the staff at their hotel. I had FedEx-ed a small box to the concierge so she could have it waiting in their room upon arrival. Zeke was tucked safely inside and the lid of the box was inscribed with a little rhyme: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> <i>You tried to keep it a secret, </i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i> But the locale of your honeymoon leaked.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i> Then a mysterious box arrives in your room.</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i> Hey, honeymooners—you've been Zeked!</i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Remember, this was pre-email-and-texting days, and international telephone rates were high, so I wasn't surprised when I didn't hear from Shelly that day (though in hindsight, I'm sure she'd been dying to call me given the sheer awesomeness of this particular Zeking). Unbeknownst to me, she had her own plans. When Shelly and Matt returned home, I phoned her immediately. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Well?!" I said, exasperated. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">"Well, what?" she replied, giving an Oscar-worthy performance of feigned ignorance.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">When I asked her to detail every moment upon arriving at the hotel, she told me they had reserved a nice suite, but when they opened the door to their room the smell of cigarettes was so overpowering, they shut the door and demanded different accommodations. They never even set foot inside their original room according to her. I was crestfallen. And Shelly had me completely fooled. Now it was I who thought Zeke was lost for good. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Two months later, my boyfriend decided it was time I met his parents. We both flew to Albuquerque, where we rented a car and drove to his folks’ home in Los Alamos, arriving after midnight. His mother had waited up for us and after an introductory hug, she immediately guided me to the Christmas tree to admire it. Ok, a tad weird, but what the hell. I admired the tree. But one compliment wasn’t enough apparently, and she insisted I continue to take in the tree’s beauty, her hands on my shoulders as if to hold me in place. I complied. And then--I screamed. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Right in front of me, in a glistening hand-blown bulb, was Zeke, staring out at me through his glass confines. Shelly's dad had taken up glass blowing and she had obviously decided to put his talents to good use. Well done, Shelly. Well. Done. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">It took me years to bring myself to smash the bulb, freeing Zeke from his glass prison, but as they say in show-biz: <i>the Zeke must go on!</i> (or something like that). And what better time to do so than the occasion of Shelly’s first pregnancy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I was living in Los Angeles by then and had a good pal who worked in character licensing at Disney (read: had access to more Disney-character crap than should be legal). I bummed a half dozen miniature Winnie-the Pooh stuffed animals from her, as Shelly had already told me the baby's nursery would be decorated in Pooh motif. I then savagely cut off the face of one of the mini-Poohs, inserting Zeke in the gaping hole and stitching him in place, in effect creating a sort of FrankenPooh—cuddly body, creepy face. I stacked the Poohs in a tight box, three facing up, three facing down. FrankenPooh was facing down. I giftwrapped the box and mailed it to Shelly’s parents’ home, where she and Matt would be spending the holidays. Then, I waited. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Unable to sleep for long stretches at that point in her pregnancy, Shelly woke up early on Christmas morning and sat in the living room killing time until the rest of the family got around. She scanned the gifts under the tree and found mine. Seeing no harm in opening a non-family gift without the rest of the gang present, she opened the package. And then--she screamed. Suffice it to say, the rest of the family was now wide awake as well. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mfjxKZY-xvQ/WOl7ohDBsVI/AAAAAAAAAvA/3pbYa1_f8wARSskRfzpoubl2fLW3T4flACPcB/s1600/IMG_0364.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-mfjxKZY-xvQ/WOl7ohDBsVI/AAAAAAAAAvA/3pbYa1_f8wARSskRfzpoubl2fLW3T4flACPcB/s320/IMG_0364.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Um, thanks for the hat?</span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As the Zekings increased over the years, so too did the level of creativity involved. Zeke had been stowed inside a thick book entitled, appropriately, </span><i style="font-family: inherit;">Zeke</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"> (the pages within having been carved out to fit his head), sewn onto a hat that was presented to me at a class reunion, and even baked into cranberry bread (a feat which required constantly pushing his head back to the bottom of the bread pan with a fork throughout the baking process, as it kept rising to the surface). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Not even a death in the family was reason </span>enough<span style="font-family: inherit;"> to put the Zeke-centric shenanigans on hold. Shortly after Shelly left town following my step-dad's memorial service, I found Zeke lurking in my refrigerator. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MvGGp8qlFF4/WOl7A6TK2XI/AAAAAAAAAuY/LE9mgQmSBBUl1vPIEkJBknuO_xM7_XEHQCPcB/s1600/IMG_0356.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MvGGp8qlFF4/WOl7A6TK2XI/AAAAAAAAAuY/LE9mgQmSBBUl1vPIEkJBknuO_xM7_XEHQCPcB/s200/IMG_0356.jpg" style="cursor: move;" width="200" /></a><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-MvGGp8qlFF4/WOl7A6TK2XI/AAAAAAAAAuY/LE9mgQmSBBUl1vPIEkJBknuO_xM7_XEHQCPcB/s1600/IMG_0356.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></a><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-60nyPfcKhQU/WOl7QevvIQI/AAAAAAAAAuk/FRQtblN6vPImgm3wonTJeFd7ks99N0L5QCPcB/s1600/IMG_0357.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-60nyPfcKhQU/WOl7QevvIQI/AAAAAAAAAuk/FRQtblN6vPImgm3wonTJeFd7ks99N0L5QCPcB/s200/IMG_0357.jpg" width="200" /></span></a><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-60nyPfcKhQU/WOl7QevvIQI/AAAAAAAAAuk/FRQtblN6vPImgm3wonTJeFd7ks99N0L5QCPcB/s1600/IMG_0357.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><span style="font-family: inherit;"></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Perhaps the greatest Zekecomplishment came to fruition the day Jeff and I picked up the developed photos from the thirty or so disposable cameras we’d left on the tables at our wedding reception—again, we’re talking pre-smart-phone-camera days. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Aside from the 40 or so throw-away pictures of the ground and the sky that my four-year-old nephew had taken, there were loads of nice shots of our friends and family members. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">We flipped through hundreds of photos until we got to them—the photos of various wedding guests, each holding or kissing or cuddling Zeke. One of Zeke at the hors d’oeuvres table. One of Zeke at the urinal in the restroom. Even one of Zeke hovering over Jeff’s and my heads as we cut the nontraditional wedding pie! </span><span style="text-align: center;"> </span><br />
<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span>
<span style="text-align: center;">I still have no idea how Shelly pulled that one off, bringing Zeke to my own wedding without my knowledge. I'm perhaps even more impressed that none of my friends ruined the surprise. I tend to hang out with people who are as incapable of keeping a secret as I am. Bravo!</span></div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S-1hNf9yRgA/WOrV1Bor0MI/AAAAAAAAAv0/ytQrBCBCDIgKv_cP5Ff7d0i0kKIadHQIwCLcB/s1600/IMG_2425.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-S-1hNf9yRgA/WOrV1Bor0MI/AAAAAAAAAv0/ytQrBCBCDIgKv_cP5Ff7d0i0kKIadHQIwCLcB/s320/IMG_2425.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and Shelly's Mini-Me, Mary</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">When Shelly’s second child stayed with us last summer during a post-college road trip, I accused her of having Zeke with her, as surely her mother had put her up to something and we’d find him in the cupboards or dirty laundry when she left. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I was on high alert for days after she departed, certain I’d discover him hiding in the next drawer I opened. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">But Zeke never materialized. </span></div>
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</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Recently, I was thrilled to learn that Shelly and Matt themselves would be visiting. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-K4Uv44uRhpY/WOrIFnC0CdI/AAAAAAAAAvc/C8U9pq1vgfwGgcrcQ58ESI4NNgc2YQfxgCLcB/s1600/IMG_0335.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-K4Uv44uRhpY/WOrIFnC0CdI/AAAAAAAAAvc/C8U9pq1vgfwGgcrcQ58ESI4NNgc2YQfxgCLcB/s320/IMG_0335.JPG" width="240" /></a><span style="font-family: inherit;">They showed up for a couple days last week, a stopover on a road trip from Utah back to North Carolina. </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">I threatened Shelly that Zeke had better not be in her luggage. She swore he wasn’t with her. And she was telling the truth. Sort of.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Two days after she and Matt left, a box arrived in the mail. It was addressed to me, though now that the dog has a monthly subscription to Bark Box, he believes every package that shows up is for him. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I tend to do a lot of online shopping, so boxes arriving are commonplace. I opened it thinking it contained vitamins or books, two things I order online with regularity. Nope. It was a red water bottle, the type I don’t use. I wondered if Amazon had made an error. I handed the bottle to my daughter, figuring she could have it. She unscrewed the lid and then--she screamed. (Are you seeing a pattern here?) Tucked inside the bottle was, of course, Zeke. </span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And so the burden of Zeking Shelly rests at my feet once more, and I take this responsibility with great pleasure. Ideas? Send ‘em my way! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">And down the road, when my body is old and giving out, I will likely request an open-casket viewing at my own funeral...just to give my childhood BFF the opportunity to pull off the ultimate Zeking: tucking a creepy little doll head into my cold dead hands. I mean, come on—what are friends for, right? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sjkQLo-4t04/WOrHvqqTBJI/AAAAAAAAAvg/e8-zGP-y0DQJEHljNCNHR6GhqDLb7cFvACEw/s1600/Shelly%2Band%2BLauren%2Bas%2Bkids.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-sjkQLo-4t04/WOrHvqqTBJI/AAAAAAAAAvg/e8-zGP-y0DQJEHljNCNHR6GhqDLb7cFvACEw/s400/Shelly%2Band%2BLauren%2Bas%2Bkids.jpg" width="362" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="font-size: 12.800000190734863px;">Zeke Buddies for Life</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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</div>
Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-11945019406311348082017-03-25T19:29:00.000-06:002017-03-26T21:27:05.075-06:00Asshat<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Something happened five
months ago and I still can’t shake it. And I still haven’t resolved it. Not to
my satisfaction anyway.</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">A newer local friend of my
daughter’s—let’s call her Jane for the sake of anonymity—told her she should connect
with a summer camp pal of hers through Snapchat because “he’s really cool.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Mr. Cool—let’s call him Dick—lives in an affluent town in central New Jersey
and had been going to the same summer camp as Jane for several years.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">My daughter, who’s outgoing
and goofy and loves meeting people from all over, asked me what I thought. I
said, “Wouldn’t be something I’d recommend since you don’t know him. On the
other hand, he’s a friend of Jane’s, and she’s nice so it probably wouldn’t be
a problem.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Big Motherhood Mistake #1: Ignoring
your own rule about your kid connecting online with people she doesn’t know.
I’d made that rule when Clare was much younger and needed greater guidance with
online activity. At 16, I figured she could make that call. Plus, he was a
friend of a friend. Stupid me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Clare accepted Dick's request to connect on Snapchat. Then they, well, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">chatted</i>. Simple stuff, pretty benign. She read most of their
exchange to me as it was unfolding—admittedly, with me rolling my eyes inside
because I could think of about a thousand things <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’d </i>rather do than carry on an inane conversation with someone I
didn’t know, like read a book, clean the refrigerator, or stick a knitting
needle through my eye. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">Eventually, the conversation
wound down and Dick sent a message something along the lines of “I’m bored.”
Clare read that one to me and I repeated my oft-expressed belief that only
boring people get bored. She messaged back to Dick, with the slightest touch
of irreverence, that maybe he ought to download a new video game if he’s bored and
“might I suggest one of my favorites, Plants vs. Zombies?” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">His reply? Send me some nude
pictures of yourself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Seriously, dude? This is
your idea of wooing a girl? What kind of warped mind is in that pea-brained head
of yours, anyway?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Jeff and I had already had
this discussion with Clare before—the one about never sending nudes and never being
coerced into doing something you don’t want to do, and how asshats who pressure
you to do something unscrupulous or unsafe are just that: asshats. And no one
likes hanging out with asshats. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">I knew Clare wouldn’t allow
herself to be pressured into complying with Dick's demand, but she asked my
advice on how to reply. I suggested she drop the conversation and ignore him.
She did. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Apparently, Dick—ah screw
it; let’s just call him Asshat, shall we?—doesn’t like being ignored. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">The next morning, Asshat
sent an ugly follow-up message. And the thing about Snapchat is, unless the
recipient quickly captures a screenshot, the message disappears in a matter of seconds
after being opened. But the thing about Clare is, she has a quick mind and
quicker fingers. She grabbed a screenshot. Here’s what this little d-bag from my home state had to say (with the real name of "Jane" whited-out): <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-j9FoFOB-SDE/WNXA3uoswoI/AAAAAAAAAqE/7kohR1DHRrMItUdR02hfMAHMbs1BuXb6gCLcB/s1600/IMG_0134.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-j9FoFOB-SDE/WNXA3uoswoI/AAAAAAAAAqE/7kohR1DHRrMItUdR02hfMAHMbs1BuXb6gCLcB/s400/IMG_0134.jpg" width="225" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Clare ignored the message,
but Asshat couldn’t leave well enough alone. Twenty-one minutes later he sent
another Snapchat to her: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Qy4QqLEBA38/WNXA3lV88UI/AAAAAAAAAqA/a0BUxeXGSKoxgktuBbnbJ67T5EC3vmYvQCLcB/s1600/IMG_0135.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Qy4QqLEBA38/WNXA3lV88UI/AAAAAAAAAqA/a0BUxeXGSKoxgktuBbnbJ67T5EC3vmYvQCLcB/s400/IMG_0135.jpg" width="225" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Wow. Just fucking <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">wow</i>. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">I was volunteering at school
that day, so Clare found me in the office of her theater instructor and showed
me the screenshots of Asshat’s messages, seeking guidance on how to deal with
them. I told her to immediately block him from her Snapchat account. She
already had (smart girl). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Clare had also already approached
her friend Jane and showed her the messages, telling her that she planned to
address the issue because Asshat’s remarks were nasty, uncalled for, and
bordering on verbal assault. Jane apologized, but then begged Clare to “just
drop it,” stating that Asshat was an important friend to Jane and she couldn’t
stand the thought of losing him. </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "arial";">WTF?! </span></i><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Clare’s theater teacher, a
kind-hearted and easy-going mid-westerner, was also in the office with us, and
to say he was pissed about Asshat’s behavior was an understatement. He
suggested we meet with the high school’s assigned police officer to get input
on how best to handle the situation. In my mind, Asshat didn’t need to be
arrested, but did need a parental intervention lest he grow up to be an adult asshat, or worse. Sometimes, as kids—or even as adults—just being confronted about our
stupid shit is enough to prevent us from repeating it. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">We set up an appointment
with the on-campus cop to review all the details of what had occurred in the
last 24 hours. It was extremely helpful and we learned several things: <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">(1) Asshat’s messages, while
vile, are not illegal. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">(2) Asshat is a “predator”—this
is the term used by the police officer, who had seen more of this sort of ugly
bullying bullshit than he cared to.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">(3) If Asshat moved so quickly to demanding nudes from my
daughter, then it’s fairly certain he’s doing the same with other girls. And if
he was quick to become a bullying d-bag when Clare wouldn’t comply, it’s fairly
certain he’s responding the same way to other non-complying girls.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">(4) If left unchecked,
Asshat will likely assume he can continue getting away with this douchebaggary.
And at some point, the thrill of online verbal abuse would wear off and he
might want to take his dickishness up a notch. So what comes next? It’s a
slippery slope, this propensity to denigrate others. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">(5) If we confront him via
his parents (I’d already done a bit of googling and know his parents’ names,
address, occupations, and phone numbers.), there is a slight chance of
retribution by Asshat—or hell, even by his parents. After all, we don’t know
much about this little prick—or his parents—beyond the basic details. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">(6) We should contact Jane’s
parents and let them know that their daughter is communicating with a predator.
For her safety.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">(7) Clare should not
communicate directly with Asshat in the future. (No chance of that, My kid
prefers kind people.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">It was a lot to take in and
both Clare and I left unsure of our next steps. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">And now, it’s five months
later and this little creepozoid still pops into my mind here and there.
Because I never contacted his parents. Because I allowed fear to keep me rooted
in non-action. Because I want to believe the best in others, yet have been
around long enough to know that not everyone <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">is</i> a basically decent person. Some people are simply messed up,
mean, cruel, violent and dangerous. Because I don’t want to take the chance
that this kid could be the type to seek revenge on my daughter. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">What would you do? I
genuinely want to know. Because I don’t know. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br /></div>
</div>
Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-58690978860114727802017-03-18T17:37:00.000-06:002017-03-26T21:19:13.005-06:00Unfinished Portraits<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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There was a woman. </div>
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Her name was Eileen. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3tzja2iQkFE/VRBH_vYgU7I/AAAAAAAAAbk/YoXPFbh4jAY0sd3QXARxG9C94SDpJnZDQCPcB/s1600/Duke%2BPortrait.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3tzja2iQkFE/VRBH_vYgU7I/AAAAAAAAAbk/YoXPFbh4jAY0sd3QXARxG9C94SDpJnZDQCPcB/s400/Duke%2BPortrait.JPG" width="312" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Duke by Eileen Potts Dawson</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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She sent me an unsolicited portrait of my sweet four-legged boy, Duke, shortly after his passing two years ago this month (see: <i><a href="http://laurenlarsenslovelightlaughter.blogspot.com/2015/03/the-kindness-of-strangers.html">The Kindness of Strangers</a></i>). </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No request for money. Not even reimbursement for the matting or postage to ship it to me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Her only motivation: make the world a better place by sharing her art. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eileen’s art consisted of countless pet portraits that
managed to capture each subject’s unique trait—their imploring eyes, that crooked smile, whatever
it was that made each of them so loveable to their humans. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Months after hanging Duke’s portrait in our home, our ornery
rescue Dachshund, Jack, equal parts decrepit and endearing, passed. Without
Duke as his guide dog, our blind, deaf and incontinent little guy had lost his way.
And by <i>way</i> I mean <i>marbles</i>.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We gave Jack the best transition to the Great Beyond that we
could: a five-egg cheese omelet, a fireside nap despite August temperatures in
the 80s, and a home-visit from the Dr. Kevorkian of the pet world, Home to
Heaven, who, with great tenderness and compassion, helped him cross the portal
into life’s next big adventure. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A week or so later, another unsolicited portrait by Eileen
arrived. Jack—sans cataracts—looking every bit the 12-pound badass that he was.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zURH-847uWM/WM213Gh-j8I/AAAAAAAAApc/mTH60mSq2go7OM3-gSZBVo_o54HtLVNxQCLcB/s1600/Jack%2BPortrait%2Bby%2BEileen.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="472" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-zURH-847uWM/WM213Gh-j8I/AAAAAAAAApc/mTH60mSq2go7OM3-gSZBVo_o54HtLVNxQCLcB/s640/Jack%2BPortrait%2Bby%2BEileen.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jack-Jack by Eileen Potts Dawson</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eileen and I developed a friendship, albeit from a distance.
I sent her clients for her art. She sent me edits for my latest novel manuscript that features a dog as its protagonist (and even gave me a much
better title, which I’ve since adopted). We both sent each other comedic election memes that kept us laughing instead of crying over the political climate of our country. And
inspiring dog rescue videos when the political memes weren't enough.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4xRKvgj9LSM/WM2166gvEZI/AAAAAAAAApg/bE7j1lwi4fIjzGtTvmuRBltPP7l9NlLbgCLcB/s1600/Rosie%2Bportrait%2Bincomplete.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4xRKvgj9LSM/WM2166gvEZI/AAAAAAAAApg/bE7j1lwi4fIjzGtTvmuRBltPP7l9NlLbgCLcB/s400/Rosie%2Bportrait%2Bincomplete.jpg" width="351" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not All Projects Come to Completion</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In December, when the Great Dane belonging to family friends
passed away, I sent Eileen a check and a photo and asked her to work her magic.
Because Eileen had already gifted me two portraits, I insisted she accept
payment for this one. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A month later, when the check still hadn’t been cashed, I
emailed her, playfully chiding her for being so stubborn about accepting
payment. The response I got stunned me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
"The truth is I'm not doing so well. Rose will be here on the 12th and I'm hoping she will get me going so I can do one more portrait."</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Eileen had already shared
her recent ALS diagnosis with me and I knew she’d left her 9-to-5 with the Madison public school system to focus on health. But it never occurred to me how swiftly
ALS could fuck a person up. I insisted she forget about the portrait for my friends,
but she said it brought her joy to do her art and so she was hoping she could
complete this one for me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A couple weeks later, Eileen’s sister, Rose, with whom I’d also
become online friends, flew to Wisconsin to help her. She found Eileen so weak
she had to be carried from her bed to her couch and back to her bed each day. She
could no longer speak at all. With Rose's encouragement, Eileen managed to eat one
piece of bacon and a bit of baby food—the most she’d eaten in days. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Twenty-four hours later, Valentine’s Day, Eileen was gone.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It didn’t take long before people began posting their pets’
portraits, compliments of Eileen, on her Facebook page, a makeshift memorial to
a talented artist and a generous soul. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s likely that Eileen donated and gifted more portraits
than she sold because her heart was far stronger than her capitalistic
instincts. If she was touched by the story of a cat or dog—usually a rescue
animal—she poured that emotion into her art. And then sent that art to the
humans associated with each portrait subject, regardless of whether or not she
knew them.<br />
<br />
I believe this was Eileen’s way of confirming that these pets had
touched more lives than their humans knew.<br />
<br />
And by doing what she did best—sharing her talent and compassion with the world—Eileen herself touched more lives than <i>she</i> knew.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You will be missed, friend. Woof!</div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WcJJf_49JYY/WM22TyMS6fI/AAAAAAAAApk/-RaHZzQzZZEUk9nGQOr9piTXUaevQ9TIwCLcB/s1600/Eileen%2BPotts%2BDawson.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-WcJJf_49JYY/WM22TyMS6fI/AAAAAAAAApk/-RaHZzQzZZEUk9nGQOr9piTXUaevQ9TIwCLcB/s400/Eileen%2BPotts%2BDawson.jpg" width="398" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Eileen Potts Dawson<br />
1947 - 2017</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
</div>
Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-85127717230138024532017-02-22T19:10:00.000-07:002017-02-24T17:22:34.058-07:00Nice Balls!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
I was sitting at lunch today with the kid, who’s not quite
17, has gorgeous hair down to her butt and is still as concerned about people
being kind to one another as she was back in preschool. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At the table behind us were three college guys. One of said
college guys was bragging about how he loves to cat-call girls and laughing
about the fact that they get so mad about it. He even went so far as to say women
like being cat-called and that their complaints are phony. One of his
friends tried to argue with him, but Cat-caller was having none of it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“It’s a compliment to yell ‘nice tits!’ to a chick,” he
added. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Clare had stopped eating so she could focus more on
eavesdropping (weird how that works – the inability to both eat and eavesdrop
at the same time). <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Mom, that’s bullshit,” she whispered to me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Yep,” I replied. “Dude’s a bit of a douche.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What he’s saying contributes to the rape culture.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Yep.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I want to say something to him.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Go for it.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The guys all rose to bus their table. When Cat-caller walked
past us, Clare sat up straighter and said, “Excuse me.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cat-caller turned around, looking a tad surprised.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What you were saying just then—about cat-calling women. I
have to tell you that I disagree with you. In fact, I get kind of scared when
men yell stuff at me about my body.” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Clare had begun to tear up so I jumped in to add my two
cents. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“It’d be like me yelling, ‘Nice balls!’ at you,” I said,
staring at his crotch for added impact.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Okay, admittedly not as diplomatic as Clare’s approach. Need
I remind you that I am originally from New Jersey, while Clare grew up in Boulder? Thus, our communication styles on sensitive issues can be quite
different.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cat-caller blushed. Looked really embarrassed, uncomfortable
even. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“When you cat-call women it contributes to the rape
culture in this country,” Clare added, finding her voice again.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cat-caller was, mercifully, rendered speechless. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then he did something quite unexpected. He
apologized. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I appreciate that,” Clare said. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cat-caller and Friend #1 walked out. Friend #2, the guy who
had argued with Cat-caller about his warped views on verbal harassment, stayed
behind. Slowly, almost deferentially, he approached Clare, his gaze lowered
a bit, hands tucked in the front pockets of his jeans.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Can I ask you a question?” he said to my daughter.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Sure,” she replied.<br />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“So if I said to you, ‘you have really nice hair,’ would
that be okay?” There was nothing sarcastic or caustic in his tone. Just a
genuinely honest question.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Yes it would,” Clare said, “because that’s a nice
compliment.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Ok, thanks,” Friend #2 said. “Because I think you have
really nice hair.” And then he slipped away to catch up with his pals. I
watched them all pile into an SUV and drive away.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Well done,” I said to Clare, giving her a fist-bump. “You
handled that beautifully. Didn't even lose your cool.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Well, when you’re trying to change someone’s perspective,
yelling or being rude doesn’t really seem to work.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Good observation,” I said, feeling a bit guilty about that
Twitter account I recently opened for the sole purpose of letting a certain
someone in the White House know how I feel about him at least five times a day.
Sometimes, closer to ten.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“What do you want to bet those three guys are talking about
us right now?” Clare said, smiling.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Pretty sure they are, honey. You gave them something to think about. And that’s a good thing.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YWaP53YhgFs/WK5DLIYNCXI/AAAAAAAAApA/L1KIpahbBd4iu0XkNfhlSkL3MYhqvhG5wCLcB/s1600/Clare%2Bhead%2Bshot.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-YWaP53YhgFs/WK5DLIYNCXI/AAAAAAAAApA/L1KIpahbBd4iu0XkNfhlSkL3MYhqvhG5wCLcB/s400/Clare%2Bhead%2Bshot.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This girl. She makes her mama proud. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * </span></span></span></div>
</div>
<div style="font-size: medium; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Download a PDF of the first 4 chapters of Lauren's memoir,</span></b><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> Zuzu's Petals: A True Story of Second Chances</span></b></i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">, free. Click </span></b><a href="http://www.laurenwardlarsen.com/"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">here</span></b></a><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> and go to the link below the "Buy the Book" button. </span></b><i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Zuzu's Petals </span></b></i><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">is also available on Kindle and Nook. Hardcover signed and inscribed copies are available at </span></b><a href="http://www.laurenwardlarsen.com/"><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">www.laurenwardlarsen.com</span></b></a><b><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">. Happy reading!</span></b></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
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Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-61482161205608248622017-01-07T12:59:00.000-07:002017-01-07T12:59:26.456-07:00 A Few of Her Favorite Things (APIWATWOL #10)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
#10 in my "A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words Or Less" series. (For a description of how this series works, see <a href="http://laurenlarsenslovelightlaughter.blogspot.com/2016/12/a-picture-is-worth-thousand-wordsor.html">Installment #1</a>.)<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Nyrr0g3_RN0/WHEvvkNZCpI/AAAAAAAAAn8/YbxbzZqiG9IAkYRhXtIb3j_5U34RPNCRQCLcB/s1600/APIWATWOL.10.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Nyrr0g3_RN0/WHEvvkNZCpI/AAAAAAAAAn8/YbxbzZqiG9IAkYRhXtIb3j_5U34RPNCRQCLcB/s400/APIWATWOL.10.jpg" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Video Station: Mom's Home Away From Home</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
For Mom's birthday three years ago, my sibs and I decided to treat her to some of her favorite things. And Mom has definite opinions about what constitutes her favorite things. And Mom is very loyal to her favorite things.<br />
<br />
Among these favorite things are:<br />
(1) Video Station (DVD rentals, great recommendations and fun conversation),<br />
(2) The Rio (Great margaritas, passable food and fun--probably due to great margaritas), <br />
(3) Ozo (Great coffee, nice baristas and the place she always meets up with her pal, Anita)<br />
(4) Big-screen Movies (because sometimes you just can't wait for the DVD release)<br />
<br />
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KLkJ8os4B-8/WHE7LnrvU4I/AAAAAAAAAoY/QdLrzcL4-HctmaDqoExtxsfjDRqm-clAACLcB/s1600/API%2B10%2Bbonus%2Bpic%2Bcard.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KLkJ8os4B-8/WHE7LnrvU4I/AAAAAAAAAoY/QdLrzcL4-HctmaDqoExtxsfjDRqm-clAACLcB/s320/API%2B10%2Bbonus%2Bpic%2Bcard.jpg" width="240" /></a>With my sibs all living out of state, I volunteered to drive around and get gift cards for Mom from all of us. At each stop, I asked the folks working there to also wish my mom a happy birthday, the photos from which would be made into a giant card.<br />
<br />
Over the years I've learned that Mom isn't big on surprises. (Case in point: even when traveling, she likes to know in advance exactly what size bed she'll find in her hotel room. Queens only. No doubles. No kings. I'm not kidding.)<br />
<br />
But I've learned that some surprises are okay, such as, say, being serenaded. So I rewrote the lyrics to "My Favorite Things" for the waitstaff at The Rio to sing to Mom when Clare and I took her there to celebrate on the big day. And sing they did! (Based on their performance, I suspect some of them may've dipped into their renowned margos beforehand.)<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "arial";">“My Favorite Things” <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">The Loretta Version <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">(Original Score from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The
Sound of Muzak</i>)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Happy Birthday, Loretta!" (Now can we get back to work?)</td></tr>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Lattes at
Ozo with my pal, Anita<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">The Rio
with Clare and a cold margarita<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">That
stack of more napkins that Blake always brings<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">These are
a few of my favorite things!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
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<br /></div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">DVDs and
wine with the local Larsen Clan<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">Dinner
and the big screen with my good bud-dy, Nan<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">The
praises of movies that Bruce often sings<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">These are
a few of my favorite things!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">When the
news bites...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">When it's
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">When I'm
feeling sad...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">I simply
cash in on the gift cards I got<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">And then
I don't feeeeeeel...so bad!<span style="font-size: large;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Level 9"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
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When we got home, we gave Mom another gift (below) with a card that read: <i>Today's your birthday and we should do special birthday things like eat pie and swear</i>. And so we did...</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gmtCPRg2BCA/WHEvtiwDLBI/AAAAAAAAAnw/BEDNh4Oolss5pSsMjp6Q_tYtFu1owJXtQCLcB/s1600/API%2B10%2Bbonus%2Bpic%2Beat%2Bpie%2Band%2Bswear.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-gmtCPRg2BCA/WHEvtiwDLBI/AAAAAAAAAnw/BEDNh4Oolss5pSsMjp6Q_tYtFu1owJXtQCLcB/s640/API%2B10%2Bbonus%2Bpic%2Beat%2Bpie%2Band%2Bswear.jpg" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">Nothing says "Happy Birthday" like pie and swearing. </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
If you haven't figured it out by now, we are not a normal family.<br />
<br />
<br /></div>
Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-40643086716235676972017-01-07T10:12:00.000-07:002017-01-07T10:12:12.317-07:00Food for Thought (APIWATWOL #9)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
#9 in my "A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words Or Less" series. (For a description of how this series works, see <a href="http://laurenlarsenslovelightlaughter.blogspot.com/2016/12/a-picture-is-worth-thousand-wordsor.html">Installment #1</a>.)<br />
<br />
<br />
A shopping cart of food. <span style="font-family: "arial";">Why
the hell did I take a photo of my shopping cart of food? </span><span style="font-family: "arial";">When I randomly pulled this
photo for my APIWATWOL project, I asked myself this question...and again was
tempted to pick a different photo. But rules are rules, so a shopping cart of
food it is.</span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ES_XPeuVpiU/WHEdpZttf7I/AAAAAAAAAnU/cA_Q5eAQ6QU9nDd2ltpWn8Sy6s3uAPQmQCLcB/s1600/APIWATWOL.9.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ES_XPeuVpiU/WHEdpZttf7I/AAAAAAAAAnU/cA_Q5eAQ6QU9nDd2ltpWn8Sy6s3uAPQmQCLcB/s640/APIWATWOL.9.jpg" width="478" /></a></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">The date stamp on the photo
file indicates that this was my first grocery shopping trip after returning
from a family reunion six years ago. We hold our week-long reunions at the
Jersey Shore every three years, and anywhere from 80 to 100 Worthingtons gather
to sit, talk, laugh, drink, eat and float in the ocean together. (Relatives who
go to a gym during reunions are shunned.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">The shore isn’t exactly
known for its health food, so the menu for the week is heavy on cheesesteaks,
pizza, sticky buns and beer. During our last reunion, I discovered that a vegetable juice bar had opened in Stone Harbor and when I walked through its door the
first time, I practically bowed at the owner’s feet in gratitude. After
chugging my green juice, I grabbed a slice at the pizzeria across the street. Hey,
just because an old dog learns a new trick doesn’t mean she forgets her old
tricks, right? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">There are things in the
shopping cart above that I didn’t even know existed in earlier years. Growing
up, I thought there was one kind of lettuce and it was iceberg. Imagine my shock when I discovered the existence of romaine
and arugula, both in this cart.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">Avocados, bought regularly
now, were something I didn’t discover until moving west of the Mississippi in
my early 20s. Because Jack-in-the-Box—aka Jer-Mex—didn’t offer guacamole.
Probably because it can’t be deep-fried.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">See those two quarts of
kefir in my cart? Until about eight years ago, the only kefir I knew of was
Sutherland. Now kefir is a staple grocery item. I use it to make my morning
shakes, another mid-life discovery. In my 20s and 30s, morning shakes were
simply the bi-product of a great party the night before. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";">Next to the kefir is a
bottle of kombucha “tea”—one of the nastiest and healthiest drinks around. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Tea</i> is a bit of a misnomer though. More
like <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">funky mushroom water</i>. Kombucha
will always hold a special place in my heart because it was the excuse Jeff
used to ask me out on our first date. In a fit of health-crazedness, he had begun
growing his own kombucha mushrooms (basically, blobs of mold in giant bowls
covered with dish towels) at the media studio he owned in San Francisco when we
met. After our first business meeting, Jeff invited me to his studio to try
kombucha tea. Fortunately, our relationship lasted longer than his fixation
with growing kombucha mushrooms. Now, we’re down to the occasional pre-packaged
bottle of flavored kombucha tea. Usually as penance for food crimes like a week
spent eating crap food at the Jersey Shore. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">In the bottom of the cart I
see my usual bushel of organic cucumbers, jumbo bag of carrots and a few
bunches of kale. If you’d told me when I was a kid, or even a teenager, or even
a 30-something businesswoman who regularly ate fast food, that I’d one day be
jamming the likes of cucumbers and kale and parsley through a masticating
machine and drinking what was spewed out, I would’ve laughed. Or run away.
Fast. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">So overall, I’d say the
theme of this trip to the grocery store was Reform. When the most decadent item in
the shopping cart is a bag of organic blue corn chips, you know you’re in for a
fairly boring-but-healthful week ahead. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">Food, like life, has its
ups and downs, its crazy out of control times and its periods of smart decisions.
And the beauty of food—and life—is that we get to choose. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "arial";">What’s in your shopping
cart? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-85474180056133579272017-01-04T19:10:00.000-07:002017-01-05T07:40:00.648-07:00Tiny Parades (APIWATWOL #8)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3Z5j2UVJQvM/WFP-5f_VbkI/AAAAAAAAAl8/wzAKTJBcr4cf_gmTY74Ikrmibw4vs4ViQCLcB/s1600/APIWATWOL%2B8%2BBOulder%2BJuly%2B4th%2BParade.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3Z5j2UVJQvM/WFP-5f_VbkI/AAAAAAAAAl8/wzAKTJBcr4cf_gmTY74Ikrmibw4vs4ViQCLcB/s1600/APIWATWOL%2B8%2BBOulder%2BJuly%2B4th%2BParade.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br /></a><br />
#8 in my "A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words Or Less" series. (For a description of how this series works, see <a href="http://laurenlarsenslovelightlaughter.blogspot.com/2016/12/a-picture-is-worth-thousand-wordsor.html">Installment #1</a>.)<br />
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<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3qWVpwvNnVo/WFRXAewTRAI/AAAAAAAAAmY/2SFdJyuPMTIRCwvAx4iiVQxKWjsqs9YYgCLcB/s1600/APIWATWOL%2B8%2BBOulder%2BJuly%2B4th%2BParade.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3qWVpwvNnVo/WFRXAewTRAI/AAAAAAAAAmY/2SFdJyuPMTIRCwvAx4iiVQxKWjsqs9YYgCLcB/s400/APIWATWOL%2B8%2BBOulder%2BJuly%2B4th%2BParade.jpg" width="267" /></a>Parades. Love 'em or hate 'em, but parades are a part of our culture. And believe it or not, the photo to the left, randomly selected for this APIWATWOL installment, is of a parade. Yeah, I know. Pretty pathetic, right? This is what 4th of July looks like in Boulder, CO, where what used to be my second favorite holiday as a kid, is about as exciting as Groundhog Day at any age. In other words, not very. <br />
My pal Roxy (white shirt, big smile, long hair) invited me (red shirt, slouchy posture, dorky hat) to participate in this not-ready-for-prime-time neighborhood Independence Day parade when our girls were toddlers. I agreed because I'm originally from Wenonah, New Jersey, home to what I still believe is the best damn parade on the planet. As you can see, the participants in this particular parade outnumber the spectators by a 10:1 ratio. I'm still grateful to my late stepdad, John "Pa" Goodenbour, for cutting his usual bike ride short to cheer on Clare as she sat like a lump in the back of my decorated red wagon with no clue about the purpose of the event or the personal significance of July 4th parades in general to her mother (red shirt, slouchy posture, dorky hat).<br />
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Until our family moved away when I was 18, I missed being in the Wenonah 4th of July parade only twice. Three times if you count the year I was maybe four years old and utterly exhausted before reaching the halfway point. When I got to Lincoln Avenue and saw Mom on the curb, I dropped out and spent the rest of the parade collecting candy, tossed from the floats and firetrucks. Of course, bailing early meant Dad had to later explain to the judges that I really DID participate in the parade and, as such, deserved my $1 participation "prize."</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5NCUQgioLgs/Tf4TWuoQRjI/AAAAAAAAAIo/qibq84bdaXY-H0-vuIlm6VZIT3eHgt5UgCPcB/s1600/DadOnFiretruckCropped.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="299" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-5NCUQgioLgs/Tf4TWuoQRjI/AAAAAAAAAIo/qibq84bdaXY-H0-vuIlm6VZIT3eHgt5UgCPcB/s320/DadOnFiretruckCropped.bmp" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dad in the Wenonah July 4th Parade</td></tr>
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On the morning of July 4th, everyone--like it or not--was, and still is, awakened by four one-minute siren blasts from the firehouse, where Dad volunteered until his death. That was the kickoff warning for the annual parade, which began at 9 a.m. sharp. Our town was small. One-square-mile small. So small, in fact, that the parade actually went down Main Street, pulled a U-turn, and went back up Main Street, passing itself as it went. That way, parade participants would be sure to have people cheering them on the whole way. Plus, half the town seemed to be in the parade, so the other half of the town was already spread thin in terms of spectatorship.<br />
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Until I was 24-year-old, I never realized that a parade passing itself was odd. I distinctly recall the moment of my epiphany. I was in grad school at UCLA and one of my three male roommates had rallied us for the Rose Bowl Parade in Pasadena at 4 a.m. to ensure good spots along the parade route, which was about five people deep with spectators by the time the parade got underway. Partway through the parade, my bladder demanded attention and I told my roomies I'd be back soon.<br />
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"But you might miss the UCLA float," one of them said.<br />
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"That's okay," I replied. "I'll see it when the parade comes back from the other direction."<br />
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My comment was met with blank stares. Further explanation from me regarding the "fact" that parades make U-turns and pass themselves on their return trips did nothing but evoke expressions of disbelief followed by sidesplitting laughter from Mark, Dean and David. It took quite some time for me to live that one down.<br />
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I retold the story of my Parade Shaming in 2011, when I returned to Wenonah, NJ, specifically to participate in the parade as that year's "Hometown Legend." (Remember: this town is so small its annual parade has to pull a U-ey; similarly, the definition of "legend" requires taking some liberties.) It was great fun, but my biggest regret that day was forgetting to secure a Costco-worthy bag of Tootsie Rolls beforehand. As the lead car in the parade, Clare and I were met with the expectant-turned-disappointed looks from kids along the route all awaiting their early-morning sugar rush. My bad.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Susan, Yours Truly, Mischelle, and Andrea</td></tr>
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Another great honor with regard to the Wenonah parade occurred in 1974, when me and my cadre of sixth-grade gal-pals won "Best in Parade," which came with a whopping $20 prize. My mom had long since figured out the key to winning Best in Parade, and she shared her insights with her ambitious parade-entering offspring: follow the headlines of the times and create some sort of light-hearted play on words around a hot topic. Not too edgy, not too political, and certainly not mean spirited. Living in Wenonah, after all, was like stepping into a Norman Rockwell painting. Quaint was far more important than cutting edge. In this case, my pals and I did a mash-up of a popular airline ad with Nixon's impending impeachment. <i>A voila</i>--Best in Parade!<br />
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Even when times were tough, the parade seemed to offer the perfect escape from the realities of a less-than-perfect life. Just two months after my father's sudden death in a small plane crash in 1968, Mom, now a single-mother with no (paid) job, no college degree, and no savings, rallied her children and put together a Charlie Brown-themed entry. Tim was Charlie Brown, Steph was Lucy, Karen was Linus and I--that little knucklehead in the white bathing cap and sunglasses--was The Red Baron.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sqq6JYHmp8E/WFRW-25QJgI/AAAAAAAAAmU/wpqH246vRzwAOvUxUnt-bJKJPzVFozUEACLcB/s1600/July%2B4th%2BMom%2Band%2Bkids%2Bin%2Bparade%2Bwagon%2B1968.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sqq6JYHmp8E/WFRW-25QJgI/AAAAAAAAAmU/wpqH246vRzwAOvUxUnt-bJKJPzVFozUEACLcB/s640/July%2B4th%2BMom%2Band%2Bkids%2Bin%2Bparade%2Bwagon%2B1968.jpg" width="619" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Wenonah Parade, 1968. Even the death of one's spouse wasn't a good enough excuse to forgo participation.</td></tr>
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While we didn't win Best in Parade, I suspect everyone watching us that day would've liked to award Mom Best Attitude in Parade for her courage in the face of daunting life circumstances. (FYI, these were the same people--friends and neighbors, all of them--who had quietly and graciously taken up a collection for our family when news of Dad's death spread like wild fire through our town.)<br />
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The photo above was given to me by Mrs. Sparks when I took a grad school pal to Wenonah with me to experience the magic that is the 4th of July parade. Mrs. Sparks always hosted a brunch following the parade, and her son Don, an old friend from childhood, invited us to join them. Seeing me there, Don's mother felt compelled to pull out her old photo albums and tell me how brave Mom had been during that time. Since then, I've always liked Mrs. Sparks a bit more than I already had for taking the time to share those kind words with me. Even two decades after the fact.<br />
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So, yeah, parades. Love 'em or hate 'em, they'll always hold a special place in my heart. Specifically, the Wenonah 4th of July parade.<br />
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Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-64221567058809357882016-12-15T12:49:00.003-07:002016-12-15T15:29:07.056-07:00Killing Him Softly<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">The following is a guest blogger story written by a friend who wishes to remain
anonymous to protect her father's privacy. And it's a tough topic, but an extremely
important one. I, for one, have seen enough suffering--my own and that of
others--to be a proponent of the right to choose an expedited path to The Great
Unknown when one's pain is too much to bear and it's clear that there's no
returning from the abyss. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial";">You can spout all the religious doctrines you wish in opposition, but
let's remember two things: (1) Religions are manmade constructs and anyone who
believes otherwise is probably trying to sell you salvation on television for a
mere $99/month (I am not anti-religion or spirituality and I consider myself a "seeker"--but I do not believe in using religion as a basis to argue my own perspective), and (2) We can never--NEVER!--know the full extent of someone
else's suffering, so how then are we to judge their choices? (Hint: we're not
supposed to) </span></div>
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<span style="color: white; font-family: "arial";">"Freedom" is one of those buzz words that gets tossed
around quite a bit in the American culture. Why shouldn't this concept extend
to end-of-life choices? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">When it comes to departing the physical realm by
choice, I'll take compassion over condemnation any day. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">* * * <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">My dad’s last cocktail was alcohol-free. For a man who started most days
with a screwdriver, this was unusual. Instead of vodka, he mixed some white
powder that I had prepared into his orange juice, choked down the lumpy
concoction, and was gone 13 minutes later. I was there with him. This is my
story.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">My dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer in 2010. He had symptoms for
two years before that, but like a lot of guys he didn’t go to the doctor (side
note: GUYS! go to the doctor. Getting a wand stuck up your butt would suck,
yes, but not as much as slowly dying over six years from a disease that could have
been treated). By the time he made an appointment, it was too late. He had six
years of a slow-motion death. He knocked everything off his bucket list,
including a cruise to the Panama Canal. Oh, and a cruise to Mexico with me and
my daughters, where he learned Gangnam-style dancing. That’s my dad.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">Things got worse in 2015. He stopped his chemo treatment and entered
hospice care, which is usually a 6 month or less deal. He was in hospice for
almost a year. Then in June of 2016, when the cancer had spread to his spine
and the pain was relentless, California passed a new law known as the
aid-in-dying law. Similar to Oregon’s law, it allows patients with terminal
illnesses to end their suffering without the stigma of suicide. Oddly enough,
it became my dad’s lifeline for a while. Knowing the option was available to
him gave him comfort, and pushing forward to get approval from his doctors gave
him something to focus on.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial";">I supported him in this</span><span style="font-family: "arial";"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial";">—</span><span style="font-family: "arial";"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial";">partly because I was
pretty sure Dad would fill the prescription, then let nature take its course. I
thought he wanted the comfort of having a choice, but not the fear involved in
actually making that choice. I was wrong.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">On a Sunday in August, I called Dad for our usual weekly call, which
involved me trying really hard not to be impatient as he told the same stories
over and over, obsessed over his need for earthquake insurance, and griped
about all the people who annoyed him.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">He told me that he would be seeing a second doctor that Tuesday, one who
would confirm his diagnosis and back up the recommendation of the first doctor,
that he be prescribed the medication. I decided to make the 1.5 hour drive down
to be present during that visit. I had no idea I wouldn’t be returning home
that night. The doctor said that he was eligible, and she would be arranging
the prescription within days. I scrambled to arrange things so that I could
stay. It was clear my dad was serious and he was ready.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial";">It took three days for the prescription to be available. It wasn’t as
simple as “phoning it in”, and only one pharmacy in the county would fill it.
We were informed that it would cost $3,600</span><span style="font-family: "arial";"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial";">—</span><span style="font-family: "arial";"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial";">the pharmaceutical company had jacked the price up as
soon as the law was passed (thanks, a-holes). It came in 90 capsules containing
powder, which the pharmacist had to empty one by one into a vial. Oddly enough,
the pharmacy took my dad’s credit card as payment, which seemed to be a
questionable business decision.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">The label said “May be habit-forming”. I think not.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">We made plans for Dad to take the medication that coming Monday, when
his hospice team was available to be nearby and provide support. I was
terrified. What if he chucked it up, or fell off the chair he had selected as
his final stop? I felt comforted knowing that hospice would be within arm’s
reach if I ran into trouble.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">Only, they weren’t. Dad decided on Saturday that he was ready. He had a
couple bites of breakfast, then announced that he wouldn’t be eating anything
else, as he wanted to “get the show on the road”. The instructions told us to
wait 5 hours after eating, so we agreed that at 3pm, he would take the
anti-nausea pill, then at 4pm he would drink his final cocktail. And that’s
when it really hit me. I started to get shaky and dizzy.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">We waited. What did we talk about? I hardly remember. I kept thinking it
wasn’t real, that he wouldn’t do this alone, without hospice support. It was
unfair to me. It was selfish. My husband drove down with our kids to see him,
and I didn’t have the heart to tell him of the new timeline. He drove off, and
I walked back inside.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">At 3pm, I told Dad that he could still change his mind. That once he
took the anti-nausea pill, it would be hard to turn back because we would then
have to wait to get another one when we rescheduled it. He looked at me, popped
the pill, and I knew this was happening.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">For the next hour, we sat around and made small talk. I don’t remember
much, but it went by surprisingly quickly. My mother had agreed to be there at
4pm to support me, but when the clock struck 4, she wasn’t there. My parents
were long-divorced but still friendly. “She’s always late! This will teach
her,” Dad said. Some marital wounds never heal over.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial";">With shaking hands, I put 4 ounces of orange juice in a glass in front
of him, then brought the powder over. Dad said he didn’t want my fingerprints
on any of it</span><span style="font-family: "arial";"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial";">—</span><span style="font-family: "arial";"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial";">even though what we
were doing was legal</span><span style="font-family: "arial";"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial";">—</span><span style="font-family: "arial";"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial";">so I humored him and
used a napkin. I opened the medication and poured it into his glass. The powder
puffed up around my face in a big white cloud.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">At that moment, I was pretty sure it would be lights out for me instead.
Waving away the clouds of powder in front of my face, I handed the drink to
Dad.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">The powder made a very lumpy concoction that must have been hard to
choke down. But Dad did it, without hesitation. No last words, just a “Cheers”
and he drank it down. My mom had arrived by then, and the three of us sat
looking at each other for several minutes. Nothing happened. He shrugged his
shoulders as if to say: I can’t even do this right! And then his head tilted down
and he began to snore. I had learned that the process could take up to 24
hours, depending on the person’s physical health. My dad’s was not good.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">About five minutes later, the snoring stopped. Dad wasn’t breathing any
more. It was over. He was gone. His ending was peaceful and calm, and on his
own terms.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial";">At that point things got really challenging for me. I’m going to
document all the details, in the hope that they will help other people
considering this process. As I’ve been talking to people about it, I’m learning
that this has been going on for ages</span><span style="font-family: "arial";"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial";">—</span><span style="font-family: "arial";"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial";">that people use morphine or other drugs to cause the same
outcome, with a wink from the medical establishment. This new law legitimizes
it, but it doesn’t introduce a new solution. It just alleviates much of the
guilt felt by all parties, and for that I am thankful.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial";">Once Dad was gone, I called hospice to send a nurse out. It took about
45 minutes, which isn’t long</span><span style="font-family: "arial";"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial";">—</span><span style="font-family: "arial";"> </span><span style="font-family: "arial";">unless you’re
sitting in a room with your dad’s body on a chair, mouth hanging open, color
drained completely away. Then it’s the longest 45 minutes of your life. She
pronounced him dead and asked me the time of death. Despite all my Grey’s
Anatomy viewing, I had forgotten to note it. “4:13 p.m.”, I pronounced with
confidence, totally making it up. “4:13 p.m.”<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">After that, there was nothing left but to wait for the funeral home to
pick him up. True to form to his last moments, my Dad had recommended the
cheapest possible solution, opting for an out-of-area cremation service that
cost less. It took them four hours to arrive. Four more of the longest hours of
my life, after the 45 longest minutes.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">When they arrived, two well dressed young men who were very solicitous,
they took an inventory of his clothing. ALL his clothing. They were rooting
around to see if he was wearing underwear. I asked them to please stop, but
they needed to know if he was wearing underwear so it could be returned to me
along with his other clothing and belongings (like a watch, which came back to
me with his ashes). Just say he’s not wearing any! I begged. Stop looking. My
mom, in a rare display of awesome gallows humor, suggested we should have put
him in shorts, because “it will be hot where he’s going”.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">If you are going through this, I strongly suggest not looking when the funeral
home staff puts the body on a stretcher. I really wish I hadn’t. To this day,
my last memory is of Dad’s head flopping to the side, his arms flailing out.
His skin was waxen and almost yellow. It wasn’t pretty, and I wish I hadn’t
seen it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">They asked if my dad was a veteran. This stumped me. I knew he had
served 28 days in the navy before being discharged for health reasons, but he
never identified as a vet. Still, I couldn’t say no. So they got a flag, draped
it over the stretcher, and asked “Ma’am, would you like to take a picture?” No,
I really wouldn’t! I thought as I took the picture.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">And then he was gone.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "arial";">It’s been almost four months. Wr</span><span style="font-family: "arial";">iting this feels cathartic. Not everyone
responds well to this story; those who were raised Catholic, like my husband,
find it difficult to process. But I know I did the right thing for my dad, and
that I honored his wishes.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="color: white;">Rest in peace, Dad. I picture you dancing gangnam-style with a
screwdriver in hand in the great beyond.</span></span></div>
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Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-50850623590237434902016-12-14T21:05:00.000-07:002016-12-16T13:46:35.576-07:00Bridal Underwear of the Worst Sort (APIWATWOL #2)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
#2 in my "A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words Or Less" series. (For a description of how this series works, see <a href="http://laurenlarsenslovelightlaughter.blogspot.com/2016/12/a-picture-is-worth-thousand-wordsor.html">Installment #1</a>.)<br />
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This photo was taken well into Jeff's and my outdoor wedding reception in a wooded area north of San Francisco, Nicosio to be exact. The night sky served as a backdrop for the 18-piece jazz orchestra headed up by Jeff's pal, Chris. At this point in the festivities, my hair was a mess, matted with sweat from dancing. But beneath my wedding dress--a casual number that I bought off the rack while shopping with my pal Sabra--an even bigger mess was brewing.<br />
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See, I was wearing the most godawful undergarments imaginable. In addition to helping me select a dress that wasn't all lace and tulle, Sabra had instructed me in the ways of bridal underwear. (<i>Bridal underwear? Seriously?</i>) Specifically, she taught me that there existed pantyhose that actually went all the way up to one's boobs instead of stopping at the waist. Who knew?!<i> </i>Then she taught me about bras that ran extra long and, when combined with the extra tall pantyhose, would fortify a bride's efforts to keep her gooey pizza belly contained long enough for decent wedding photos. Hypothetically speaking, of course.<br />
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The catch? Like Cinderella's big night out, at some point these armor-like undergarments would lose their magical powers, similar to the way everything goes to hell when Cindy stays at the ball a tad too long. The jeweled carriage? <i>Poof! </i>Back to being a pumpkin. That gorgeous gown? <i>Poof!</i> It's once more the tattered frock she wears daily.<br />
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In similar fashion, at some point during the long night of dancing and mingling with pals who went as far back as elementary school, my overpriced, overly restrictive undergarments rebelled at my wedding reception. Just like that. No warning. <i>Poof! </i><br />
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First, I felt the steady downward curl of my pantyhose as they made their way south, gaining speed as they rolled into a thick coil around my waist, causing my upper belly to tumble out between the top of my pantyhose and the lower edge of my bra, like an overstuffed sausage whose casing had torn. <i>Poof!</i><br />
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And then, without the help of the pantyhose holding it in place, the lower edge of my uber-bra snapped upward like a cheap window roller shade, only stopping when it had made its way halfway up my bosom, effectively cutting my breasts in half. <i>Poof!</i><br />
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Nothing was where it was supposed to be and I thought if I pulled off my dress right then and there, my entire chest and belly area would look like a package of store-bought dinner rolls, all crammed together with only the slightest delineation of where one roll ended and the next began. Not exactly the look I was going for when the last of the guests left and Jeff and I officially launched our honeymoon (aka, had sex) in the main house on the property.<br />
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Thankfully, it appears I'm a one-wedding kinda gal, as Jeff and I still seem to like one another after 20 years together. Thus, never again will I have to subject myself to the humiliation of bridal undies.<br />
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Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-17089154067662244872016-12-13T22:49:00.001-07:002016-12-15T07:45:01.624-07:00Top Ten...and Never Again! (APIWATWOL #7)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="text-align: left;">#7 in my "A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words or Less" series. (For a description of how the APIWATWOL series </span><span style="text-align: left;">works, see</span><a href="http://laurenlarsenslovelightlaughter.blogspot.com/2016/12/a-picture-is-worth-thousand-wordsor.html" style="text-align: left;"> installment #1</a><span style="text-align: left;">)</span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I came in 1st PLACE! (among the last 906 runners who completed the marathon)</td></tr>
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Not exactly what you'd call a glam shot, but this is truly one of my Top 10 All-time Favorite Photos depicting one of my Top 10 All-time Favorite Moments in Life: the finish line of the 2001 NYC Marathon. Sixteen months after nearly buying the farm in childbirth.</div>
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Given the state of my joints today, I must also admit that running that race was one of my Top 10 All-Time Stupidest Things I've Done. (We don't need to get into the other nine.) It was, in hindsight, way too soon after my near-miss to be putting my body through something so taxing. But alas, what's done is done. And I wouldn't trade it for all the cartilage in the world.</div>
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So for today's APIWATWOL, I give you the Top Ten Reasons the Moment Captured by This Photo Is One of My Top Ten All-time Favorites:</div>
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(1) We made it. Not just to the end of the race, but to the end of the most horrific, unexpected, soul-crushing, blood-hogging, heart-opening, amazing journey we'd ever undertaken. Getting discharged from the ICU was an important chapter of that story, sure. But this race was the epilogue. A deeply satisfying epilogue.</div>
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(2) Jeff is with me. No, you don't understand. Jeff hates distance running. And by hates I mean loathes. So after I made him run a marathon with me back in 1997, I promised I'd never make him do another one. When I began training for this race on the one-year anniversary of my little dance with death, I assumed I'd be running solo. But one day, Jeff laced up his sneakers and kept pace with me as I made my way down our street. "You don't have to do this," I said to him. "Yes I do," he replied. And he did. What a guy. </div>
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(3) I had enlisted friends, colleagues, people who sat next to me on the bus--anyone!--to help me raise money and blood for nonprofit blood centers with this race. Each day throughout my training, as I collected those little return envelopes from my letter campaign from the mailbox, I felt like I held in my hands little packets of encouragement. Each check felt like a friend saying, "I love and support you." Each commitment to donate blood (some for the first time ever) felt like a friend saying, "In honor of you, I will love and support a stranger in need." I wish everyone could experience this feeling, that of being completely supported in a worthy goal that is bigger than their individual lives. It's amazing. (And through mostly small donations of $10-$100, together we raised nearly $40,000 and over 500 pints of blood to help others who, like me, had their lives turned upside down with the need for blood transfusions.)</div>
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(4) I had actually planned to raise money for some sort of nursing-related effort because the nurses, and their incredible care of both me and my family members, is what I remember most from my six weeks in the hospital. So I'd phoned one of my nurses and told her my plan. Her response? "That's very sweet to think of us nurses, but if you really want to say 'thank you,' you ought to raise money for blood centers. You do realize you single-handedly created a blood shortage in San Francisco during your illness, right?" Ok, point taken. Blood it was. (But I still adore nurses. Wouldn't you?)</div>
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(5) I knew within the first three miles of the race that my body wasn't ready for this level of exertion. Jeff knew it somewhere around the fifteen-mile marker, when I had to lay down on the sidewalk--ironically, right beside a hospital. But to his credit, instead of saying "we should quit" he said "should we quit?"--allowing the final decision to rest solely at my feet. My throbbing, soles-on-fire feet. And I suspect he already knew my answer when he asked. There would be no quitting during this, my comeback race.</div>
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(6) There were fire trucks and firefighters every mile along the race course. Remember, this was a mere seven weeks after 9/11 and the stench of the attack was still in the air in lower Manhattan. The firefighters were there to clap and cheer for the runners, but, as if on cue, the runners would all clap and cheer for the firefighters. It was a Mutual Admiration Society of the best kind. A true display of humanity in action. </div>
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(7) While Jeff and I had our reasons for participating in the race, it was obvious that thousands of other runners also had their own reasons motivating them along the race course that day. And damn--that was a sight to behold. People with the names of loved ones fighting cancer on their shirts. Others with the names of friends lost in 9/11 on theirs. One man, starting dead last, was running for charity and a large bank had agreed to donate $5 for every runner he passed throughout the race. So we're rambling along when I keep hearing, "On your left! Running for charity! On your left! Running for charity!" And, whoosh!--Mr. Charity Runner flies past. In the end, Larry Parker of Ladder 129 in Queens, raised over $118,000 for the Uniformed Firefighters Association Widows' and Children's Fund. Wow. Makes me tear up just thinking about it again.</div>
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(8) And speaking of tears, boy did I cry a LOT throughout that race. The starting gun goes off. I cry from the sheer magnitude of the moment. We exit the two-mile bridge that launches this race and thousands of people line the streets, hands outstretched for a high-five in passing. I imagine they are all my nurses and docs cheering me as I run out of the hospital. You got it--crying! I see that first fire truck, a dozen or so firefighters cheering from atop it. Bawling like a baby. A 6+ hour race gives a person plenty of time to think, which, in my case, meant plenty of time to cry. All good tears though. Tears of joy and exuberance and gratitude and humility. </div>
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(9) We came in first place! (among the final 906 runners to complete the race) Ok, fine, so technically that doesn't qualify as "first place." Tomato, tomahto. My overall finishing place in the race was 22,758 and I AM SO FREAKING PROUD OF THAT! 22,757 people finished this race ahead of me, but I'm certain the level of pride I felt the moment I crossed that finish line was on a par with the pride felt by the overall winner of the race when he finished. <i>Four</i> <i>hours</i> <i>earlier</i>. Ouch. </div>
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(10) This photo was taken by one of the few remaining race volunteers. (See that pitch-black sky? Exactly.) As soon as we crossed the finish line, Jeff and I hugged one another like it was our last day on earth and I lost it. "We made it," I said. We. Made. It. I noticed a woman approaching us, probably to scoot us along, as was typical in marathons to prevent finish line traffic jams. Instead, she kindly, and with great reverence for the moment Jeff and I were sharing, asked if I'd like to have a photo taken with the disposable camera attached to my CamelBack. Yes. Yes I would. And this is that photo. </div>
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Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-55151278643237838272016-12-12T21:42:00.000-07:002016-12-12T21:44:51.679-07:00The Dog Ate My Assignment (APIWATWOL #6)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
#6 in my "A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words or Less" series. (For a description of how this series works, see<a href="http://laurenlarsenslovelightlaughter.blogspot.com/2016/12/a-picture-is-worth-thousand-wordsor.html"> installment #1</a>)<br />
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Confession time. I really REALLY wanted to cheat when I pulled today's random photo for my APIWATWOL project, toss it back in the box and pull a different one. But I didn't. Because cheaters never win and winners never--oh never mind. Anyway, this photo is from the fall of 1980. And how the hell am I supposed to remember details from 1980?<br />
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At least I know that it was taken during my one ill-fated semester at Gettysburg College, the school I chose based on the fact that: (1) they had a later application deadline and I didn't think to start applying to colleges until January of my senior year in high school (d'oh!), and (2) it was the best school I got into, and (3) Gary, one year ahead of me at our high school, went there and he was smart (and possibly cute and I might've possibly had an ever so small crush on him which I might've--not saying I did--acted on once matriculated at Gettysburg). Anyway, I went to Gettysburg.<br />
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But I had this Home Town Honey back in South Jersey, who was five years my senior and had recently graduated college. Rather than reassure me that feelings of homesickness were normal for college freshmen, my HTH instead complained about missing me and why didn't I take the train home this weekend even though I had come home last weekend too. So, I took the damn train back home to spend the weekend with the HTH. Pretty much <i>every</i> weekend. Which meant that all my new pals at Gettysburg were getting to know one another better outside the classroom while I was busy playing housewife in a crappy apartment in South Jersey.<br />
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To my credit, and despite my complete lack of engagement at Gettysburg College, I do remember that the girl in this photo is named Cindy and that she was my best friend that semester. Although for the life of me I can't recall her last name. Or anything we did together. Or why I liked her (though I'll bet she had a strong sense of sarcasm if I'd designated her my BF). And since I can't recall a thing about Cindy beyond her first name, I decided I'd write about a few of the memorabilia that are pinned to the cork board in the upper righthand corner of the photo, small items I'd displayed on my dorm room wall as reminders of who I was--or at least who I wanted others to think I was.<br />
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But here's the thing. You can't see any of those memorabilia, can you? Or the cork board. Because I set this photo aside for the sake of procrastinating for, like, an hour. Tops. And when I returned to my writing spot to dig into my self-imposed assignment, the damn dog (yes, that cute little "fuck you, cancer" pup featured in installment #3 of APIWATWOL) had sunk his teeth into my assignment. Literally. And eaten the damn cork board. Figuratively.<br />
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Which means I had nothing to write about.<br />
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Which means I got out of this assignment.<br />
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Which means that RuPaul isn't a bad dog at all. In fact, quite the opposite.<br />
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Good boy, RuPaul. <i>Good boy!</i><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Happy to help, Mom!</td></tr>
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Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-49421337211863245332016-12-11T16:22:00.000-07:002016-12-11T17:26:06.861-07:00Bald Shrimp and Benne Wafers (APIWATWOL #5)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="text-align: left;">#5 in my "A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words or Less" series. (For a description of how this series works, see<a href="http://laurenlarsenslovelightlaughter.blogspot.com/2016/12/a-picture-is-worth-thousand-wordsor.html"> installment #1</a>)</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GGCj3lVC_cA/WE1oSVWml9I/AAAAAAAAAi8/-ufjQo2IxpMRVqBYg8laLa9gSaX9yUThACLcB/s1600/Sabra%2BGirls%2BWeekend%2Bpre-wedding.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-GGCj3lVC_cA/WE1oSVWml9I/AAAAAAAAAi8/-ufjQo2IxpMRVqBYg8laLa9gSaX9yUThACLcB/s640/Sabra%2BGirls%2BWeekend%2Bpre-wedding.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The back of Sabra's head and her gal pals: Liz, Carmen, Nina, Kara and moi (not pictured: Stephanie)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Ok, admittedly, this isn't the best photo in terms of composition, lighting--well, everything really. But I'm sticking with my own rules for the APIWATWOL project: the main photo must be picked <i>at random</i>, no mulligans.<br />
<br />
Don't let the artistic quality (or lack thereof) of this picture fool you, though. My friend Sabra's 2012 Bachelorette Weekend was one of most enjoyable middle-aged chick parties ever. So much more fun than the typical 20-Somthing "Let's Go to Chippendales and Pretend We Give a Rat's Ass About Hot Guys Dancing Half-Naked" Bachelorette Party. Oh, wait. On second thought... (But I digress.)<br />
<br />
When a group of women over the age of 40 gets together, there's a different kind of fun. The wine is better (we make more money). The housing is better (we make more money). The stories are better (we've been through more in life).<br />
<br />
But most importantly, the sense of connection and camaraderie is palpable, as we've each had our share of hardships and have developed a sense of empathy as well as a greater appreciation for life's joyful times. We're well past the need to prove ourselves or compete in that subtle way our younger selves might've fallen prey to, be it through looks or accomplishments or job titles. Not one blowdryer or business card came out on this trip.<br />
<br />
The beauty of Sabra's Bachelorette Weekend was that each of us--women she'd known since college, grad school, work, even the womb (she has a twin)--was there for the same reason: we adore our pal Sabra and wanted to celebrate her happiness. And that's enough. In fact, that's the best reason.<br />
<br />
In this particular photo, we had just returned home from an afternoon of strolling the historic district of Charleston, during which we passed another gaggle of pre-wedding celebrants, two decades younger than us, who were drunk off their butts, wearing shorts and skirts that showed half their butts, and adorned with matching bachelorette party sashes and hats that were butt ugly. Thanks, butt no thanks.<br />
<br />
While out and about, we had also enjoyed rooftop cocktails at a local hotel, where those of us who didn't grow up in the South tried to fill up on appetizers because we knew what lay ahead. Sabra had insisted that we dine on some of her childhood favorites during the weekend, and so upon returning to our rental home, she laid out a culinary spread reflective of her roots. And her roots, apparently, included "bald" (that's Southern-speak for "boiled," y'all) shrimp, slaw (as in cole), pimento cheese (don't even), benne wafers (flat dry cookies) and pecan pralines (sticky nuts forbidden by any dentist worth a damn).<br />
<br />
I love you dearly, Miss Sabra, but shrimp aside, this Jersey Girl would take a cheesesteak with extra white American cheese and an ice cold Rolling Rock any day. Yo.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QLAaS6HlNWg/WE1tfvpo0SI/AAAAAAAAAjU/HYmEJ5-WcXMkkzvOIgLQ2BiVSbWYBwV5ACLcB/s1600/Sabra%2BBach%2Bgirls%2Bweekend%2Bat%2Btable.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QLAaS6HlNWg/WE1tfvpo0SI/AAAAAAAAAjU/HYmEJ5-WcXMkkzvOIgLQ2BiVSbWYBwV5ACLcB/s640/Sabra%2BBach%2Bgirls%2Bweekend%2Bat%2Btable.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The bride-to-be enjoys a bald shrimp and a laugh</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-noEmDj9d43o/WE12Sztr5vI/AAAAAAAAAjw/i7CH5Si1_d4_TN4n0ExhxBOYpX3D7lUAwCLcB/s1600/Sabra%2Bwine%2B%25232.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-noEmDj9d43o/WE12Sztr5vI/AAAAAAAAAjw/i7CH5Si1_d4_TN4n0ExhxBOYpX3D7lUAwCLcB/s320/Sabra%2Bwine%2B%25232.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Better Wine (even with fake customized labels)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ePCB02rEtNo/WE12XKFbMLI/AAAAAAAAAj4/8N4uizptlgU5muTj856nmqajQLqGt8bGACLcB/s1600/sabras%2Bbach%2Bweekend%2Bview%2Bfrom%2Bdeck.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-ePCB02rEtNo/WE12XKFbMLI/AAAAAAAAAj4/8N4uizptlgU5muTj856nmqajQLqGt8bGACLcB/s320/sabras%2Bbach%2Bweekend%2Bview%2Bfrom%2Bdeck.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption">Better Housing (beachfront Charleston/Isle of Palms)<span style="text-align: left;"> </span></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DP1EITQHZJg/WE12iQp-SZI/AAAAAAAAAj8/wzlQt49ngDk4I8dMCTV0khTmCACxEfzlwCLcB/s1600/Sabra%2Bbach%2Bgirls%2Bon%2Bdeck%2Btalking.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-DP1EITQHZJg/WE12iQp-SZI/AAAAAAAAAj8/wzlQt49ngDk4I8dMCTV0khTmCACxEfzlwCLcB/s320/Sabra%2Bbach%2Bgirls%2Bon%2Bdeck%2Btalking.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Better Stories (who needs bars when you have a deck?)</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-82453352011908881082016-12-10T11:39:00.001-07:002016-12-11T12:44:18.249-07:00The Journey of a 1000 Miles (APIWATWOL #4)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="text-align: left;">#4 in the "A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words or Less" series. (For a description of how this series works, see <a href="http://laurenlarsenslovelightlaughter.blogspot.com/2016/12/a-picture-is-worth-thousand-wordsor.html">installment #1</a>)</span></div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DyIQCtxl-2g/WEwceeU7q-I/AAAAAAAAAik/JItn2p5iLCAJuKPcTnzrlKC7mGaX1aluwCLcB/s1600/Lauren%2Blearning%2Bto%2Bwalk%2Bcropped.jpeg" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DyIQCtxl-2g/WEwceeU7q-I/AAAAAAAAAik/JItn2p5iLCAJuKPcTnzrlKC7mGaX1aluwCLcB/s640/Lauren%2Blearning%2Bto%2Bwalk%2Bcropped.jpeg" width="482" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The
photo I chose at random for this installment of my new blog series, A
Picture is Worth a Thousand Words or Less, was taken by Jeff in April of 2000,
while my newborn baby girl was living 400 miles away with my brother’s family and
I was on my sixth week in the hospital after a fairly significant
childbirth-gone-bad experience. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">That odd thing wrapped around my waist—the one that looks, ironically, like a baby sling—is holding four plastic containers attached to tubes inserted into my midsection for the purpose of collecting drainage from my third surgery that month. An extra hospital gown is tied around my neck like my very own Superwoman cape (and trust me, I </span><i style="font-family: inherit;">did</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"> feel like Superwoman in that moment)—my nurse's attempt at preserving my dignity. As if I had any left at that point. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">You'll
see that I am smiling—a Pavlovian response to the word <i>cheese</i> offered by Jeff as he snapped the photo. In actuality, I
recall feeling mildly annoyed by the simple request of a photo, not out of
vanity but because I felt I was going to puke any moment, the vertigo created
by lying inert for five weeks rather overwhelming. I had set my goal at making
it to the nurse's station about twelve meters from my hospital room, and
pausing for even five seconds and raising my eyes the slightest bit to meet the
camera lens felt like both a monumental burden and needless imposition. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Beside
me is Amy, my physical therapist, more upbeat than usual because it was the
first time she’d managed to get me beyond the confines of my room. When I first
met Amy, she asked me to lift my right leg off the mattress. No matter how much
I willed my leg to rise, it lay there like a recalcitrant cinderblock. Same
with the left leg. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The
next time Amy came to visit, I feigned sleep. She left without a word. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">By
my third Oscar-worthy slumber performance, Amy was on to me. I could no longer
put her off. And so the real work of my recovery began, the work that involved
greater reserves of tenacity than I had heretofore known existed within me. At
that point in my life, I had completed six marathons. Not one had come close to
the challenge afforded by learning to walk again.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">My
physical therapy sessions were grueling, both physically and mentally. Many
days, I would’ve preferred to curl up in a ball and slip away to The Great
Unknown, the way animals that know they're mortally wounded do. But our human
ability to think is, as they say, what sets us apart. And my mind was full of
thoughts of a baby I had yet to meet but for one brief visit when my brother
and sister-in-law flew in for the day with Clare. Many times I thought my little
girl was better off with them, hell, with <i>anyone</i>
but me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">But
every so often, such as the afternoon this photo was taken, I managed to muster
up the old Lauren, the Lauren whose grit and stubborn optimism could overcome
any challenge Life threw in her path. Like the task of making it all the way to
the nurse’s station before pivoting and returning to the comfort of my bed and
another dose of morphine. These were the moments that, I believe, helped me
beat the medical odds of my illness. That allowed me to run one more marathon a year-and-a-half later just to prove to myself that I could. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-13400063276869777902016-12-09T09:02:00.000-07:002016-12-11T17:47:27.948-07:00Puppies and Practicalities (APIWATWOL #3)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
#3 in the "A Picture is Worth a Thousand Words or Less" series. (For a description of how this series works, see <a href="http://laurenlarsenslovelightlaughter.blogspot.com/2016/12/a-picture-is-worth-thousand-wordsor.html">installment #1</a>)<br />
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-oovKZV1k8PU/WErQ-nsVIfI/AAAAAAAAAhs/tE6u4iumpdUz-nO6kQ7yld8WaB4noOWJwCLcB/s1600/RuPaul%2Bday%2Bwe%2Bpicked%2Bhim%2Bup.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-oovKZV1k8PU/WErQ-nsVIfI/AAAAAAAAAhs/tE6u4iumpdUz-nO6kQ7yld8WaB4noOWJwCLcB/s640/RuPaul%2Bday%2Bwe%2Bpicked%2Bhim%2Bup.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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This photo was taken on December 27, 2015, the day after we picked up RuPaul from the breeder in Michigan, the same breeder from whom we adopted Gigham and Duke as litter mates a decade earlier. RuPaul is lying on the floor of our little basement apartment in my mother- and father-in-law's home in Williamston, right before we loaded up the SUV and drove back to Boulder, sneaking him into a hotel somewhere along I-80 in Nebraska.<br />
<br />
A week before we got RuPaul, we almost didn't go through with it. All because of one brief telephone call at a truck stop in Iowa on our drive out to Michigan.<br />
<br />
We pulled up to the gas pumps and I told Clare, 15 at the time, to go ahead to the restrooms without me, that I wanted to make a quick call. As soon as she walked toward the building I told Jeff to send her back into the mini-mart for some made-up errand if she came back and I was still on the phone, quickly explaining that my biopsy results were in and I didn't want to have that conversation in front of her. He instantly got that look, the one he gets when one of the women in his life--his mother, his sister, me--is in trouble in a way that he's powerless to fix.<br />
<br />
Jeff began pumping the gas. I got back in the car and dialed the number.<br />
<br />
A medical assistant took my call and explained that the doctor was out for the rest of the day, could I please call back tomorrow. In no uncertain terms, I told her that I had less than four minutes to get some answers while my kid was inside a gas station on our road trip, and that I already knew the gist of my results based on the tone of the voicemail message I'd received. If there was nothing to worry about the message most likely would've been a quick, "Just wanted to let you know your biopsy results were clear. Have a great holiday." Instead, the message had been an ominous, "Please call the doctor as soon as possible." Reluctantly, the woman on the other end of the phone shared my results with me.<br />
<br />
Sure enough, it was cancer. Not stage-4 terminal cancer, but cancer nonetheless. Cancer that would require treatment in the coming months. Cancer that might prove to be more than originally detected once lymph nodes were biopsied during surgery. Cancer that would make adopting an 8-week-old puppy, at best--impractical, at worst--downright stupid.<br />
<br />
When we checked into our hotel in Iowa City that night, Clare said she wanted to workout at the hotel gym and take a bubble bath in the jacuzzi tub. Perfect. I convinced Jeff that he and I should walk to the closest liquor store for a bottle of wine, but while strolling the downtown pedestrian area in search of said wine I noticed a small Irish bar.<br />
<br />
"You know what?" I said to Jeff. "We've been together almost 20 years and we've never done a tequila shot together."<br />
<br />
He looked at me like he didn't quite get what I was saying, probably still a bit stunned by the news we'd received three hours earlier and hadn't yet shared with Clare.<br />
<br />
"I have cancer, for chrissake," I continued. "Will you let me play the Cancer Card and go do a shot with me?"<br />
<br />
"Sure," he said, the slightest smile emerging as he held the door to the pub open for me.<br />
<br />
We spent the next couple hours formulating a plan. The strategy for finding an oncologist. Timing for surgery. How to tell Clare in a way that was honest, but wouldn't overwhelm her. Whether or not to go through with adopting the puppy we were headed to Michigan to pick up during our visit with Jeff's side of the family.<br />
<br />
Four tequila shots, three beers and a platter of sliders later, we had our plan. Getting a puppy right before embarking on cancer treatments wasn't convenient. But then again, neither was cancer.<br />
<br />
RuPaul joined our pack one week later.<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XT3LVs-3ntY/WErS4ZSq3oI/AAAAAAAAAh8/FYK4l5zKUo8Zkv-pEsWvRF-25KYcGCREQCLcB/s1600/Jeff%2Btequila%2Bshots%2Bafter%2Bmy%2Bcancer%2Bdiagnosis.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XT3LVs-3ntY/WErS4ZSq3oI/AAAAAAAAAh8/FYK4l5zKUo8Zkv-pEsWvRF-25KYcGCREQCLcB/s320/Jeff%2Btequila%2Bshots%2Bafter%2Bmy%2Bcancer%2Bdiagnosis.jpg" width="240" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sometimes, the best plans begin with tequila.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-85972095631957127682016-12-07T17:25:00.003-07:002016-12-10T18:29:29.297-07:00A Picture Is Worth a Thousand Words Or Less (#1)<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cvPyYJMKP5A/WEiXOOZS3mI/AAAAAAAAAhA/A79DLa60oscimuoG5YFCmUMnT7vBcIdLACLcB/s1600/IMG_3214.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cvPyYJMKP5A/WEiXOOZS3mI/AAAAAAAAAhA/A79DLa60oscimuoG5YFCmUMnT7vBcIdLACLcB/s200/IMG_3214.JPG" width="200" /></a>So here's the thing. I get distracted. Easily.<br />
<br />
Case in point: I was just organizing my home office closet in order to procrastinate on writing the in-depth follow-up email I promised I'd send a new client after a conference call this morning. (See? Already distracted!) As I'm stacking box after box of old photos--the ones that never made it into the 15+ albums I have--I think, <i>Do I really need to keep all these old photos? Do I even remember who the people pictured within these boxes are?</i></div>
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And then an idea hits me. I've missed writing these past couple of months as my latest manuscript is complete and out for review with prospective agents, and I've been focused on my consulting work. (Those bills don't pay themselves, am I right?) But I miss writing on a regular basis. </div>
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So I figure, why not randomly pull a photo from of one of those boxes and write about it? And why not do this at least twice a week? No overthinking it. And no cheating if I don't remember the people or places in the photo. Just pull...and write.</div>
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So here are The Official Rules, you know, in case you want to join me in my photographic shenanigans. </div>
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#1 - One photo, randomly selected without looking at the labels on the box exteriors.</div>
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#2 - Limit the post to 1000 words or less. Because no one ever said "a picture is worth 2480 words."</div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6dU27w-nEIs/WEiW7iZsYKI/AAAAAAAAAg4/BJTId-m1exUtTqDK2tjQtYUev2vUfhCAACLcB/s1600/IMG_0001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="232" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6dU27w-nEIs/WEiW7iZsYKI/AAAAAAAAAg4/BJTId-m1exUtTqDK2tjQtYUev2vUfhCAACLcB/s320/IMG_0001.jpg" width="320" /></a>#3 - No more than an hour, start to finish, to write my Thousand Words Or Less post. This isn't about perfection or publication or praise. It's about a freaking writing practice. And my addled memory. And the fact that I've met so many awesome people throughout my life and I suck at keeping in touch. Especially ever since my mother stopped keeping my personal directory up to date for me. (<i>Sheesh, Mom!)</i> And we stopped sending out Larsen Original Christmas Cards because we could never top the one we did back in 2008. (But damn, that was a good one, wasn't it?)<br />
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#4 (and perhaps the most important rule of my Thousand Words Or Less challenge) - <b>No calling for a mulligan</b> just because I snagged a photo of me with a former boyfriend I'd rather forget...or a photo of me in my early drunken days looking, well, drunk...or because it's a picture revealing my post-baby-and-every-day-since-then Muffin Top. Though let's be honest--I've probably already torn those photos to bits. </div>
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Sitting amidst the mess I've created in my office for the purpose of procrastinating I tell myself, <i>No time like the present! </i>So I pull one of the photo boxes down from the closet shelf at random--the yellow one--and reach inside without regard to any of the labeled interior separators. (What can I say? I'm a Capricorn; we're fairly anal retentive when it comes to organizing.) </div>
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The photo I select is one of an old roommate, Kelli de Sante, and me, circa 1993, in the tiny Newport Beach apartment I'd rented solo before Kelli, whom I'd met at Toastmasters, needed a place to live and she moved into the open loft upstairs, which heretofore had served as my home office. It was the same apartment in which I had recently snuck my contraband puppy, Spike. (See those two potted plants? See that beige carpeting? Shortly after I'd drenched those plants with water one day, Spike decided to do some finger-painting, spreading plant bits and dirt and mud all over the damn apartment. Try explaining that one to the management office.)</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7UoDgQAbDXw/WEiOkhXmFrI/AAAAAAAAAgc/TcGj0pDd4MMv29MMJy5Ez-m_axscK3dDACLcB/s1600/Kelli%2BAnd%2BLauren%2BCorella%2Bapt.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7UoDgQAbDXw/WEiOkhXmFrI/AAAAAAAAAgc/TcGj0pDd4MMv29MMJy5Ez-m_axscK3dDACLcB/s640/Kelli%2BAnd%2BLauren%2BCorella%2Bapt.jpg" width="404" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;">Thousand Words Or Less Photo #1</span></td></tr>
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Kelli was (and likely still is) an elegant Southern woman, the kind that wouldn't even think to go outside to pick the paper up off the driveway without first applying lipstick. Contrast that with me, the woman who willingly drives around town wearing pajamas and has gone grocery shopping in slippers because <i>Why the hell not? Slippers are comfy!</i></div>
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Kelli had a new boyfriend who came to visit her from Canada. I don't remember his name but I do remember that he wasn't what you'd call a Dog Person. In the least bit. I noticed him eyeing Spike as if she were a poopy diaper to be avoided at all costs. The thing is, Spike wasn't the type of dog that was okay being avoided. Or regarded as a poopy diaper. And if Spike didn't like something, Spike let you know. In her own special Spike way. </div>
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Despite the openness of the loft that served as Kelli's bedroom, I tried to give the two lovers their privacy (no easy task in in a 700-square-foot dwelling). One morning, as Kelli was downstairs in the bathroom showering and I was tucked away in my bedroom, I suddenly heard the boyfriend in the loft saying, rather loudly, things like, "No, doggie. No no. Oh. Oh no." </div>
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His voice took on a sense of urgency which then shifted to disgust. I sprinted upstairs to find the boyfriend sitting upright in Kelli's bed with nothing more than her floral bedspread covering the lower half of his naked body. And right next to him on said floral bedspread was a giant steaming Spike turd, fresh from the oven. Like I said, Spike wasn't the type of dog who appreciated being avoided. Or regarded as a poopy diaper. And so she fought back. By turning Kelli's bed--sans Kelli because Spike adored her--into, well, a poopy diaper. </div>
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Mortified, I grabbed a tissue and scooped up the offending turd, made my apologies and turned to go, Spike's collar in one hand, Spike's turd in the other. Embarrassed as I was, I suspected I'd be laughing my ass off about this incident, with Kelli, in less than a month. It actually took less than two days. And suffice it to say, the boyfriend never came to visit again. </div>
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* * * </div>
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Well, it's been about an hour since I pulled that random photo out of the yellow box. My home office is still a mess and now I don't feel like finishing my closet project. Or starting my follow-up client email. </div>
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There's always tomorrow, right?</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7zB35yTv130/WEimGGZdyiI/AAAAAAAAAhM/lwxtO5zJyXgn1dgqT6jdgyzEQxaT-yLzgCLcB/s1600/Lauren_and_Spike_Hug2.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-7zB35yTv130/WEimGGZdyiI/AAAAAAAAAhM/lwxtO5zJyXgn1dgqT6jdgyzEQxaT-yLzgCLcB/s400/Lauren_and_Spike_Hug2.bmp" width="308" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Good ole Spike. Don't EVEN think of crossing her. </td></tr>
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Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-65113280352125775652016-09-01T14:19:00.000-06:002017-10-17T11:48:45.476-06:00The Journey to Fuck-If-I-Know<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Ever get in the car and just start driving for hours on end,
not even sure where you’re headed? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Yeah, me neither. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Yet that’s exactly how I feel lately. It’s not that I’m some
sort of baby boomer control freak (she’s lying). Ok, maybe a few echoes of that
persona still persist from my 20s and 30s. But Life has done a great job of
showing me that sometimes the best things are those we never planned,
controlled, pitched or imagined. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My husband? The guy sent an 8-page letter threatening legal
action to the corporate conglomerate I’d recently joined (truth be told, we were being
rather dickish to his smaller start-up). I was copied on that letter. A few
months later, we were engaged. And in five days, we’ll celebrate 19 years of an
overall pretty damn good marriage. Didn't see that one coming!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My kid? The one you’re sick of seeing me post about on
Facebook? Not what you’d call a planned pregnancy. But clearly she was ready to
show up and show up she did (in the most dramatic of ways). Now, </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I can’t even begin
to imagine my life without her to share the fun. There is nothing I wouldn’t do
for that creative and loving goofball of a soul. She totally rocks and I adore
the shit out of her. Again, surprise!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Favorite work to date? A decade of blood donation advocacy
and professional speaking that came out of the blue after nearly croaking and
burning through San Francisco’s blood supply in record time (see “pregnancy”
above). All began when an executive from Johnson & Johnson sat in one of my
audiences and asked my husband to have me call him. A few months later, my occasional
pro bono talks for blood centers and Rotarians had transformed into a full-time
paid speaking tour, with no requirement to tattoo the J&J logo on my
forehead, let alone mention them. Who knew?!<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So here I am on a journey to fuck-if-I-know-where and I have no clue as to what it’s leading me to, if anything at all. It's the journey of
chronic, at times calm and at other times mind-numbingly debilitating,
physical pain and loss of mobility--today being one of my more challenging
days. (You know it’s bad when you have to leave your gentle restorative yoga
class after only five minutes of what most able-bodied people would think wasn't worth the time it took to pull on their yoga pants.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This against-my-will journey has been underway for a good five
years—the prior eleven being no picnic either where my wellness was concerned. But I had no idea that the road would get even bumpier than it already was.
Pain has a way of coloring everything you do, see, feel, believe. Instead of
the rose-colored glasses I wore in my younger pre-medical-crap days, too often
chronic pain is like viewing life through tar-colored glasses. Dark indeed.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This journey has taken me to places I wouldn’t have
otherwise explored, and for that I’m grateful. I love new experiences and marvel
at the immeasurable ways to tackle and perceive this mysterious thing called Life.
I’ve experimented with all manner of approaches to wellness from the mainstream
(take this pain med and go away until it’s time for another surgery) to the
downright laughable (if spending tens of thousands of dollars to experiment is
your idea of funny). Some things work, some don’t. Among those that work, some
days they do, some days they don’t. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The upside of pain is the noticeable increase in my sense of
compassion for others, knowing that they may be masking their own pain—be it
physical or emotional—much in the same way that I tend to do when I’m out in
the world…or even at home with my family. (Hearing myself whine about pain bores
me, so I’d rather not. Except now. In this post about pain.) <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Pain also helps me connect with others with whom I might not
otherwise, like the guy with the amputated leg who swims at my pool and who,
like me, didn’t expect his health to take the turn it did. Or the older woman
with whom I shared a water jogging lane recently. When I jokingly lamented
about the activities I could no longer do, without an ounce of judgment in her
voice she responded, “Well…perhaps we’re meant to do different things at
different stages in our lives.” Sure, it’s a pretty simple concept, but her
words helped me more than she knows. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And recently when pain and insomnia kept me awake all night
and I blogged about it, I was flooded with emails from women who were dealing
with their own physical ailments and the challenge of remaining positive—or
even mildly optimistic—that goes hand in hand with pain. I spent days having
interesting and, at times, laugh out loud funny email and Facebook exchanges
with several of them. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So today, as I was driving home from the pharmacy with my
pain med prescriptions after bailing on gentle yoga, I was struck with the thought
that maybe, just maybe, there’s a point to all this bullshit. Maybe my own
journey of chronic pain is taking me to a place where I will be
able to answer the question: What’s it all about, (Alfie)? Could it be that
perhaps—like those two months spent screaming and hallucinating and sucking up
blood transfusions in the ICU sixteen years ago—this current and unwanted
journey into the bowels of chronic pain is taking me to yet another awesome and rewarding place where I can grow as a person, share what I’ve
learned, and maybe even help others as they face similar circumstances? At some
point, will I be able to look back at these years of two steps forward, one
step back, and say, “Aha! I get it now!”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Is that where this journey is taking me? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Honestly, I haven’t a clue. But for today—and with the help
of a giant snuggly poodle and the couch—I’m hopeful. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-10628965784789358902016-07-25T03:42:00.000-06:002017-10-13T16:42:08.009-06:00Start Where You Are<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I was speaking with a friend
today and whining about how I didn’t expect my life to be where it is at this
age and stage. “I need a new beginning," I lamented, "but I don’t even know where to start."<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">“Start where you are,” she
said. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Four simple words that pretty much sum it up. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In a nutshell, this is where
I am: I’m 54, I’m broke, and I’m broken. Okay, so I’m being somewhat
hyperbolic. But that’s what it feels like on my bad days—like today, when both
my body and soul ache in equal measure.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It wasn’t always this way. I
once had a career that worked pretty well for me: traveled a lot on business, loved interacting
with people, received regular promotions and accolades. I once had a body that
worked pretty well for me: ran marathons, hiked mountains, ate and drank whatever the
hell I wanted, still looked and felt good. <o:p></o:p></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My mistake was holding the false notion that things would always be on the upswing, that my star would continue rising because I would continue doing what I was doing.</span></span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JEZqzq3QZiE/V5XRMa84m5I/AAAAAAAAAdg/T07oWor7juwmjtd_5aZpkZyy0s4AblChgCK4B/s1600/IMG_0673.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="179" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-JEZqzq3QZiE/V5XRMa84m5I/AAAAAAAAAdg/T07oWor7juwmjtd_5aZpkZyy0s4AblChgCK4B/s320/IMG_0673.JPG" width="320" /></span></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I didn’t plan for
the possibility that I might one day get sick. Sick enough that my body would
never be the same again. Sick enough that my recovery would only go so far
before early-onset menopause would halt all progress and serve up a heaping
helping of autoimmunity and severe osteo-arthritis with a side of cancer just
to drive the point home. I didn’t understand that the medical insurance
policies I used to scoff at in my younger years every time I accepted a bigger
better position at a new company and went through the process of selecting my
benefits package would only go so far when I actually needed them. Didn’t
understand how quickly the out-of-pocket costs for every attempt I made to
improve my wellness both inside and outside the standard western medicine model
would add up. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When I left my last position
running an international nonprofit four years ago, I thought the debilitating
pain that had become a part of my everyday experience was due to being burned
out, that I simply needed a few months to sleep, play, and read all those novels
I’d bought but hadn’t cracked. I figured I’d rest up and refuel before finding
another position that didn’t require a commute halfway across the country. But
as the months—then years—passed, I realized I was getting worse, not better.
The doctor visits increased, medications and treatments and surgeries were
doled out, new diets and physical therapy approaches were experimented with,
and I experienced a constant two steps forward, one step back. On some days, it
was one step forward, two steps back. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UXo7fqYcCvQ/V5XVMNFDEiI/AAAAAAAAAeQ/D8xk1S9itIwBPSfHrIKOalYvPzl6m6rhACK4B/s1600/FullSizeRender.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UXo7fqYcCvQ/V5XVMNFDEiI/AAAAAAAAAeQ/D8xk1S9itIwBPSfHrIKOalYvPzl6m6rhACK4B/s200/FullSizeRender.jpg" width="137" /></span></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial";">Over the years I’ve
discovered some things that work for me: sleep—and lots of it, fresh whole foods and restrictions on alcohol and crap food (mmmm, pizza), massage and other forms of body work, gentle floor-based yoga, water jogging
(yes, I’ve joined those middle-aged women I used to make fun of), pain meds as
needed, laughter, friends. </span><span style="font-family: "arial";">I now celebrate when I
discover something else in my body that works a little better, or hurts a
little less. I measure my physical successes in the small things, like being
able to get my arms high enough to put my hair in a ponytail, no longer at the mercy of a stranger in the locker room to clip it up for me.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
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<!--EndFragment--></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But the woman I was, that
woman who traveled incessantly, ran through airports, gave multiple speeches
and media interviews in the same day, who once flew to another city in the
middle of a ten-day sales conference to run a marathon—that woman is gone. Forever.
As much as I want her back, I know she is never coming back. I need to mourn
the loss of her—and move on. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">My body will never be where
it once was. I’ll never regain the stamina and physicality to undertake the kind of whirlwind speaking tours on which I
once thrived. When I'm able to return to work, I will likely need to stop throughout my day to lie on the floor and put my legs up the wall or take a quick nap or
meditate. (I can’t even imagine how much the thought
of this would’ve made my skin crawl with shame in my 30s, such was my
level of smugness regarding my health and go-getterness.) </span></div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-V-Ero6JFuZE/V5XRMZ4etyI/AAAAAAAAAdM/vHGv685N4zoS3b-0kMPMhe5n4VY1NxE3wCK4B/s1600/IMG_2561.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-V-Ero6JFuZE/V5XRMZ4etyI/AAAAAAAAAdM/vHGv685N4zoS3b-0kMPMhe5n4VY1NxE3wCK4B/s200/IMG_2561.JPG" width="150" /></span></a><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Instead of cursing
the fact that I have handicapped handrails on my toilets at home and a
handicapped parking placard hanging from the rearview mirror of my car, I need
to see them for what they are—a gift, that tiny bit of extra help when it feels
like any one of my joints could snap with the mere flick of a finger. And some
days, I know, I will awaken with more physical pain than usual and will need to
simply stay in bed and read a book or, better yet, sleep. Because some days,
that’s what my body—very clearly—tells me I need to do. I no longer have the
luxury of pushing through and paying the price later. That bill came due years
ago.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And so this is where I am.
My mind and soul are still strong, but they’re now traveling through life in a vehicle
that was in a near-fatal pile-up and will never perform the way it once could. I am reminded of my first <i>literal</i> automobile accident a month after receiving
my driver’s license and how the frame of the family station wagon was bent,
requiring my mom to replace the car less than two months later. Until full body
transplants are available, I don’t have that luxury.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">But hey, I’m still here. I
still have brains and know-how and plenty of life experience from which to
draw. And I’m now sufficiently bored with being “a patient in recovery.” I’m so
ready to get back out there, in whatever form that takes. So ready to interact
with others, to solve problems that have nothing to do with my health, to create
and be creative. To begin anew, even with a body that isn’t so new.<o:p></o:p></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br /><span style="font-family: "arial";"></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">And to do that I will start where I am.</span></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tzCFmo7RUWY/V5XSwpzcrRI/AAAAAAAAAeA/NQgKdnBdxGYYM-ZFjh58168-D49E0BdcQCK4B/s1600/Lauren%2BRunning%2BLA%2Bmarathon.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-tzCFmo7RUWY/V5XSwpzcrRI/AAAAAAAAAeA/NQgKdnBdxGYYM-ZFjh58168-D49E0BdcQCK4B/s400/Lauren%2BRunning%2BLA%2Bmarathon.bmp" width="234" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Bye, Felicia.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span>
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span></div>
</div>
Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-82995304763899622662015-03-23T11:14:00.001-06:002015-03-23T12:21:35.171-06:00The Kindness of Strangers<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TnJ5Ci87IRA/VRBH9rVqU6I/AAAAAAAAAbY/VpfhH2OBRIc/s1600/Dukey2013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TnJ5Ci87IRA/VRBH9rVqU6I/AAAAAAAAAbY/VpfhH2OBRIc/s1600/Dukey2013.jpg" height="320" width="240" /></a>It’s been exactly one week since my husband and I had to
make a decision that was equal parts obvious and heartbreaking—that of
accelerating the process of our cherished Duke’s passing. While I’ve felt zero
remorse about our choice, I’ve certainly had my share of moments since then
ranging from somber to blubbering. Fewer as the week wore on, but still. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As my sadness subsided, I managed to jumpstart my writing
routine and even returned to the gym for three days straight. (Since the new
year I had begun to view my monthly membership dues as a donation to a
not-so-nonprofit wellness organization, justifying my absence from the gym by
virtue of my limited remaining time with Duke.) <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But still. During a lively phone conversation with my
father-in-law this morning, our poodle’s passing came up and once again I
found myself wiping away tears I thought I'd exhausted. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All week I’d been trying to think of some way to commemorate Duke within the home because, let’s face it, it’d be kind of creepy
to continue maintaining the makeshift shrine I erected on a table in the foyer.
I mean, at a certain point a girl’s got to tuck away her dead dog’s ID tag and
quit lighting candles for him, right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But I had no idea how, what. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Until I emerged from my workout in the outdoor pool at
the gym this afternoon and sat poolside checking email on my phone. There, in
my Facebook “other” in-box, was a message from a friend of a friend, someone I’d
never heard of or met, a complete stranger. I noticed immediately that her
message contained one of my favorite photos of Duke, which I assumed she had
downloaded from my Facebook status or the most recent story on my blog. But
then I realized it wasn’t my photo at all, but rather a beautiful charcoal
portrait, a replica of my photo of Duke, in which she’d managed to capture the
soulful imploring eyes of my big furry son perfectly. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And the tears came again. This time, however, they weren’t
for the loss of Duke, but rather the kindness of the artist, this woman I’ve
never met, who had not only been moved to draw my beloved Duke Buddy but also
offered to send me the portrait. No cost. No strings attached. Just one of
those rare and wonderful connections made for no other purpose than that of
expressing one’s humanity. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ain’t life grand?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3tzja2iQkFE/VRBH_vYgU7I/AAAAAAAAAbg/rSsFU8tWf9s/s1600/Duke%2BPortrait.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-3tzja2iQkFE/VRBH_vYgU7I/AAAAAAAAAbg/rSsFU8tWf9s/s1600/Duke%2BPortrait.JPG" height="640" width="500" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Duke" by Eileen Potts Dawson</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">P.s. I’ve since done more checking into the artist of my
soon-to-be-hung portrait of Duke (ok, so maybe I’m a bit paranoid as a result
of a past stalker experience triggered by the publication of my book) and would
like to reciprocate her kindness by sharing her contact information for anyone
wishing to have a companion animal portrait created. Eileen Potts Dawson can be
reached at http://companionanimalportraits.com</span><o:p></o:p></div>
</div>
Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-7727371394644197792015-03-19T15:19:00.002-06:002015-03-23T10:48:19.717-06:00Duke Buddy<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s a relief, really. To no longer see him laboring for
each breath, no longer sensing his frustration at the inability to stand, to walk
to and through the dog door for a proper tinkle outside, on grass, the sun on
his back. No longer seeing his shame as he lies in his own puddle of urine,
aware of it yet too weak to give it much thought beyond his confusion of why this happened. It’s a relief to no
longer wonder if that empty look in his eyes is caused by the sedating effect
of the pain medications or by their lack of efficacy. Or perhaps it's
simply the look of a dog who understands that his body is shutting down, the
imminence of death not the same trigger for personal angst so often felt in humans.
Pure instinct. Acceptance. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">It’s time. I’m
leaving</i>. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The necessary cleanup after his body is taken away, the
laundering of bedding made wet with the fluids of decay, the paperwork to
receive his ashes in a week’s time, the relocation of dog bowl and dog bed and
collar and leashes onto a storage shelf in the garage—these all serve to
distract, as if movement and tasks, all practical, can somehow fill the void
left in the wake of his passing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RH-JhqpVElE/VQs7vc8rkcI/AAAAAAAAAaw/cuDaklOXBa8/s1600/Duke%2BShrine.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RH-JhqpVElE/VQs7vc8rkcI/AAAAAAAAAaw/cuDaklOXBa8/s1600/Duke%2BShrine.JPG" height="320" width="240" /></a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A make-shift shrine is created on the table in the foyer:
flowers, originally given to my daughter on the closing night of her school
play; a small Buddha candle holder with tea lights replaced and lit as each
burns out; the photo his human sister captured and framed for me as a gift; his
bone-shaped tag with DUKE etched on the front in all caps and “My humans are…”
on the back along with our names and contact information; the last marrow bone he took
delight in, made all the more enjoyable by its being stolen from the blind
elderly dachshund who also shares our home—an antic performed repeatedly during
his life, no matter that he often had his own bigger, meatier bone, an antic I
corrected more times than I can count, returning the dachshund’s bone while
scolding him, secretly smiling at his audacity, this one chink in his well-deserved
sweet-boy reputation. It was just two days ago that he performed this antic
for the last time and I, sensing it would be the last time, welcomed it,
allowed him to keep the spoils of his theft. Now that bone, chewed clean, serves
as the strongest reminder that less than 48 hours ago, my big furry boy was
still enjoying himself despite the cancer that continued to grow and spread
throughout his body, had no idea of the stroke that would seize him hours
later, slamming him to the floor, teeth bared, limbs twisting. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A notice is posted on Facebook with the requisite
condolences following in the comments section. The muted ting of my iPhone’s
bamboo sound ushers in each text of support from my siblings, honoring our
unspoken rule to give one another time after the death of a canine family member
before imposing a live phone call. Heartbreak was always a private matter in my
family of origin, the loss of a pet being a surefire trigger for crumbling the
walls that so often kept our emotions at bay. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
That evening the lingering odors of urine and death are
masked by the scents of a homemade dinner rich in hot spices and cream and served
with good wine with which we make toast after toast to his endearing
personality, each sip of alcohol an attempt to swallow the sorrow that has
already taken root, sorrow heretofore trumped by the loving decision to end his
suffering, his laboring to birth himself into whatever realm, if any, lay
ahead. No doubt the right decision. But the absence of doubt does little to
lessen the hurt. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“How’s your day going?” asks the woman behind the counter,
as she rings up my items at the home décor store the next day. “Not good,” I
say. “I’m grief shopping.” She cocks her head like a dog trying to make sense
of an unusual sound before completing my transaction in silence and handing me
the set of blue throw pillows that I’ll return three hours later. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The following day my daughter goes to school, having already
taken a personal day to fully and openly mourn the loss of her fur-sibling. My
husband dashes off to work after a brief kiss goodbye and a strong suggestion
that I get outside, go to the coffee shop to write, do something—<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">anything</i>—to move past my tears. A friend
calls to lure me out into the world with an invitation of lunch at my favorite
restaurant. I accept, negotiating more time so I can shed my sweats and
actually clean up a bit, personal hygiene having been abandoned in my heartache.
Over lunch we talk about him and even laugh about how four days earlier he had
repeatedly mounted her dog on our way to the teahouse, a behavior not typical
during our regular walks together. We joke that he must’ve wanted to go out
with a bang.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I return home, mood shifted, sadness in check—for now, and
take up the rhythm of my days: fold a load of laundry, write a grocery list,
settle into the couch with my laptop to write. The dachshund wanders from his
bed by the fire, seems a bit lost. I scoop him up and nestle him into my side. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Yes</i>, I tell him, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">he’s really gone. </i><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">O</span><span style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">ur pack will never be the same again</span>. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mCqGY-gBLPE/VQs8MPAGtYI/AAAAAAAAAa4/337U1li05Ik/s1600/FullSizeRender-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-mCqGY-gBLPE/VQs8MPAGtYI/AAAAAAAAAa4/337U1li05Ik/s1600/FullSizeRender-1.jpg" height="320" width="185" /></a>I think about all that I will miss in his absence. The way
he tucked his muzzle over your shoulder and into your neck, his form of
offering a hug. How he stood patiently at the foot of the bed each night in the
dark until he heard my husband’s snoring, the signal that he could now hop up
without repercussion, working his way up the bed throughout the night until by
daybreak he’d be sharing a pillow with you. The way he smiled so broadly, eyes
forward, concentrating on the road while riding shotgun during errands. (On
more than one occasion, the driver to my right would comment on how human he
looked while we both idled at a red light.) That time I glanced up from replenishing the hors d'oeuvres at one of our dance parties to see him on hind legs, his front paws on someone's shoulders, in the middle of a conga line as it snaked its way through the living room. His propensity to hop onto the seat
of whichever dinner guest dared leave the table for a bathroom break, ignoring
their food and sitting quietly in their place as if enjoying the conversation. How
he never gave a rat’s ass about being the alpha, preferring peace to conflict,
not once having ever snapped at another dog. The way he melted your insides with
those eyes, a look of tenderness and empathy so strong you knew you were in the
presence of pure love. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Most of all, I will miss his gentle nature and the kindness he offered every being he encountered. He was, and will always be, my beloved Gandhi-poodle.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UuGgF0yuFGE/VQs0UbWWE5I/AAAAAAAAAag/xv3ehcqLDXI/s1600/Dukey2013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-UuGgF0yuFGE/VQs0UbWWE5I/AAAAAAAAAag/xv3ehcqLDXI/s1600/Dukey2013.jpg" height="640" width="480" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Duke of Ellington<br />
aka Duke Buddy<br />
December 14, 2005 - March 15, 2015</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-40952578828955025.post-14689253770876189902014-08-17T12:41:00.000-06:002014-08-18T07:51:32.107-06:00Louise Is Here<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Bonnie’s cancer returned
with a vengeance exactly one decade after it nearly claimed her life in 1995.
As the months wore on, we both suspected that taming it a second time was
unlikely, and so Bonnie began the legal process of setting up a trust for her two
kids, her living will, and her estate executor paperwork, all of which I would
manage upon her death. We candidly discussed her impending fate, laughed about
all the crazy good times we’d had together, and spoke of her two kids, then 17
and 20. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">She felt good about the
stability her son, Chris, seemed to have created in the past year: he was
dating a loving and grounded young woman, held a steady job at Boeing, and had
removed his lip piercing and added long-sleeved shirts to his professional
wardrobe to cover a plethora of tattoos. It was Christine on whom most of
Bonnie’s trepidation centered. School wasn’t her thing, she wasn’t sure what
she wanted to do with her life professionally, and Bonnie worried that her
death would be much more difficult for her daughter to weather. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">At the end of a visit with
Bonnie in July of that year, I made her promise to hang in there until after I
returned from a long-scheduled two-month family sabbatical in France. Her mood
was lighthearted as she said, “Don’t worry; I’m not going anywhere yet.” Weeks
later, at the Denver airport, I made one last phone call to her before boarding
our flight to Paris. “Go!” she admonished. “I’ll be here when you get back. Promise.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">A month later I was lying on
a massage table in Provence while the therapist—whom I’d been told was also
somewhat psychic—worked on my body, which still suffered the residual effects
of a near-fatal illness five years prior. She spoke very little English and my
French was limited to the ability to order wine, ask where the restroom was,
and say please and thank you. Needless to say, conversation was minimal.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">Lulled into a state of
complete relaxation, Colette broke the silence of my massage by saying,
“Louise is here.” <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">“Excusez-moi?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">“Louise. She is here.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">“Pardon? Je ne comprends pas." <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">“Louise. She is here, how
you say, ‘her spirit’—it is here. She bring to you love. You must bring to her
love <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">aussi</i>.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">“But I don’t know anyone
named Louise,” I said, wondering why my relaxing massage was being interrupted by
what felt like a woo-woo snipe hunt. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">“I do not know why, but the
spirits, they use the number two name.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">“The what? The number
two…the middle name?”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">“Oui oui. Yes, the middle
name. They use it to speak with me.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">“Huh,” I said. “I don’t know
anyone whose middle name is Louise.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">But the massage therapist
was adamant. “Louise is here. She bring to you love. So much love. You must give
her love.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">So what’s a girl to do? I
sent this seemingly imaginary Louise love and enjoyed the rest of my massage,
albeit with a little less relaxation. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">I returned to our rental
home in Mazan, went about my day and waited until it was morning in California
so I could make my weekly call to Bonnie. It was only 7 am on the Pacific
Coast, but Bonnie had always been an early riser, so I wasn’t concerned about
waking her. Our mutual friend, Kelli, answered the phone, her voice weary. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">“Bonnie passed away this
morning, Lauren,” she said. “Her mom checked on her about an hour ago and she
was already gone.” We spoke for a few more minutes before saying our good-byes.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">An hour later, a thought
popped into my mind: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Bonita L. Young</i>.
How many times had I seen her formal name on the reams of legal documents I’d
signed months earlier? Always Bonita L. Young. Never Bonnie. And never more than
“L” for the middle name. For the life of me, I couldn’t remember if Bonnie had
ever actually told me what her middle name was. I immediately dialed her number
again, and this time, her mother, Iva, answered. I offered my condolences
before asking, “What was Bonnie’s middle name?”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">“Louise,” Iva said. “Why?”</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;">One of Bonnie's favorite words was "believe." You could find it lurking throughout her home, spelled out with large metal letters on the mantel or woven into a throw pillow on her favorite reading chair. For Bonnie's memorial service, I decided to add it to an enlarged photo of her, which I knew was one of her personal favorites. </span><i style="font-family: Arial;">Believe!</i><span style="font-family: Arial;"> it shouted in both word and image. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Arial;">If ever there was a situation that prompted me to believe, it was that moment lying on a French massage therapist's table as she told me <i>Louise is here. </i></span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Oue88FcGWdU/U_D2Lqyc0OI/AAAAAAAAAZA/StM7x8uav14/s1600/Bonnie_HeyEdit.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Oue88FcGWdU/U_D2Lqyc0OI/AAAAAAAAAZA/StM7x8uav14/s1600/Bonnie_HeyEdit.JPG" height="320" width="310" /></a></div>
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Lauren Ward Larsenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12208638661098310825noreply@blogger.com5